I can never lose my family.
Dad was a hardass, and I eventually found peace and love with him, even after his passing – but no matter how hard I rejected him, or how much I want to see him again when I pass from this reality to eternity, he will always be my Dad.
Same as Mom will always be Mom, and Pep and Kip will always be my brothers.
The world will tolerate me as long as it could, but when it has had enough, it can easily turn me loose. That’s what I found out this August. There were signals. Signals of when to throw in the towel. There are signals of when to call it quits. There are signals to leave.
My routines are being challenged. Through all this transition I have been compromising my diet a lot more, and with the weather, I’ve been finding it more convenient to hold off on working out, just because of the rain. I keep telling myself to do better tomorrow. Now it turns out, I’m telling myself to do better next week.
Yet through all these plans, through all the scrutiny that comes along, and even if I can no longer tolerate myself, or this life in general – the truth remains that my family will always tolerate me, not because of my performance, but simply because we are who we are to each other – family.
While I don’t have a family of my own, I am blessed with them. It’s for this that I am thankful to God – for my mother and my brothers. My Dad, even if he isn’t with us here anymore – doesn’t change the fact that he is my dad, and I love him so much.
I can never lose my family. I will always have my family.
Thank God for this revelation.
First thing that comes into mind is how sensitive the world is – and Is the word actully sensitive? Because the point I’m trying to churn out is that the world doesn’t care how consistent you are, until you fuck up once, and then all your actual inconsistencies come out. Fuck ups can compromise or completely ruin a lot of things, and unfortunately, relationships are no exception to this fact.
That mistakes can happen, and that when they do happen, they would test relationships – that’s a given. Where we tend to have differences is whether to soldier on for the preservation (and consequent strengthening) of the relationship, or to just let it go.
August has had a lot of those. Yep, lots of fuck ups, and lots of consequent tests to relationships. There are relationships I am seriously thinking of just cutting, or at least leaving to probably come back to after a very, very long time. Consequently, what relationships remain are those I value – these are men and women, younger, older than me, who, through their own real ways, have shown me God’s love in different perspectives. They have reminded me of how our God continues to be faithful even in the shit.
I’m not surprised that, of all the relationships and acquaintances I have, my immediate family naturally is part of this loving group. My mom, my brothers, my sisters-in-law… and, I bet, if my nephews and nieces knew that uncle JB was going through some shit, they’d probably pitch in with a hug, or two, or three, or four, or five.
Family. See, one thing I’m getting from all of this is that I can be as ugly as fuck out of my own doing, or because of the fuckups of other people, but it is guaranteed that family will continue to see me as family.
In fact, the same is true on the other side of the coin – I can be awesome, either out of my own doing or because of the help of other people, but it is also guaranteed that even in this, family will continue to see me as family.
I am blessed with these relationships. My family, and my real friends, who are pretty much family as well.
So, as Montgomery Brogan would say, champagne for my real friends, and real pain for my sham friends.
And, right. Family shines during these times when so much change is happening that we couldn’t afford to stay still and think for a moment – but even without them physically around, or reachable through phone or internet, I am further assured of the fact, no, the Truth, that I am never far away from no less than the Creator of the Universe, and of all seen and unseen – Jesus Christ, Himself. I know this that He is as close to me has He could ever be – by His finished work, I am forever one with the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, both now and forever.
I call this true, even when I see and feel all sorts of shaking going on. In fact, the more it shakes, the more the peace keeps me still. The more I am tempted to give up and throw in the towel, the more My Father just comes and reminds me that I am never alone.
Turbulent times remind me of my real friends, and more importantly, how real of a friend my God is – Lifter of my cares, and my literal Way, Truth, and Life.
Turbulence. Why am I even scared of turbulence. Why do I tense up at the sudden movement of the plane, when I know that even the earth moves every second. No matter how things move, I know I can stand no matter how fast things change.
We’re travelling without moving – no, that’s the goal. Till we reach that goal, we’re moving without travelling. Much motion, no progression.
Through Christ we have been projected, propelled into progression, even without motion – Rather, by His progression we’re been set into motion. True travelling without moving, lives no longer clawing in vain into eternity, lives flowing with the river, one with the river.
So whether we stand still, or run with the rest, we are at rest.
Travelling without moving.