(September 1-5, 2026)
Throughout 2025 and even this year, I’ve expressed frustration with my finances, and how I haven’t been responsible with them. Current experiences and circumstances constantly remind me of how, in the past, I handled large amounts poorly to the point that I lost everything.
After losing my WFH job at the start of the pandemic, I thought I’d focus more on learning, to build up my CV. I got into the Crypto Mining hype until the ETH event last 9/22, and I was caught without a backup financial plan. I was burned multiple times with Crypto nodes/schemes – now that I think about it, there were only two possible outcomes: either I got in too late, or I got rug pulled. There was also a more ‘conventional’ investment network I involved a significant chunk of capital into, which I’m now confirming was a scam.
As of 2025, I had to join the workforce again. I keep telling folks, this sort of stuff would be a pleasure to do – 20 years ago.
Right now, I have a sort of ‘system’ forced into place due to how little I make every week – it’s actually out of the collective benevolence of the congregation I serve.
I have been forced to learn. I am learning.
We can’t go against who we are and how we’ve been created and re-created. But with that being said, any conflict of interest between what we believe we are and what we want demands at least one of these two things: A deeper dive into who we are, and/or a shift in what we want…
One thing is guaranteed: The longer we intentionally push ourselves to remain in the presence of the Most High, the more we delight in the Lord, the more we see that He indeed gives us the desires of our heart.
Perversions of the old flesh have passed away, and behold, all passions have been made new.
I am changing – desires, preferences, wants and needs are being learned, unlearned and relearned.
I am being transformed by the renewing of my mind.
I’m saying that I’m learning to work on the foundations, in order to truly flow.
That is, in the name of Jesus and by the power of the Holy Spirit, my true foundations as a new creation in Christ are being revealed… and, according to this renewal I could say that my being, and therefore my flow is being transformed.
It is September 5. To give you an idea of my state of mind, I’ve had a pretty good transition from August to September. We made our first sale after 3 weeks of calling folks to see if they were interested in buying a whole home water filtration system for their residence down under. I have a set idea as to where to put the commission money.
Speaking of that, I’m fixated on learning. That is, because of this senseless jump into the (mostly untouched, unexplored) world of sales and selling stuff, I’m also in a mindset that’s saying, if I could learn that, then I can certainly learn more, (1) to establish more potential sources of income and be that much closer to personal financial stability (and that much closer to proper stewardship in the form of strict blessing management and thoughtful benevolence logistics), and (2) to enhance our theology for a more solid ministry.
Yeah, so with that just fomenting (?) through these weekdays of wild weather and intermittent electricity/internet, this Saturday afternoon has me pretty chill, eating whatever I want, doing whatever I want, and, well, tempted to use the idle time according to the old flesh.
I’ve already whipped out the old guitar and did some solid strumming and singing, being intentional in my worship. We’ve received some good revelations, in fact so good that I not only posted, but shared a link to what I wrote to not one, but two of my socials…
I just finished a second session of Rome: Total War… and I’m probably going to go further by doing a second session of praise and resultant revelations, but I just thought I’d mention all this, write it all down before anything else.
I am learning. I am being transformed for the better, by the renewing of my mind. I am flowing.
Submit to God, resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
James 4:7
That’s what came in even before I went off with the singing. And, well, those Christian cassette tapes my parents bought and played for me when I was WAY younger seem to work, because that verse is backed up in so many cubicles of my memory, and is remembered, word per word, up until today, through all my years of existence.
I was thinking to myself, why am I resisting? Why am I avoiding certain triggers?
First answers that come to mind are things that actually always come up whenever vulnerability presents itself: So I could stay focused. So I could stay in the flow. So I could stay away from debilitating thoughts of condemnation, heavy ideas of accusation.
And when you flip that over, I find myself saying that I resist to avoid brain fog, and to stay legitimately open to deeper thoughts, and progressive happenstance.
As I go through all this, I’m realizing that in my own vulnerabilities, I’m leaning more towards ‘resisting the devil‘ when I really should be submitting to God – and what that means for me, now that I think about it, is intentionally meditating on His Word, appreciating how it truly is Spirit and life; beholding His goodness, and getting more and more of my being to realize that His lovingkindness is truly better than life, and certainly superior in all ways compared to anything this world promises.
Submitting to God is diving further into what ‘His lovingkindness’ means for me, specifically – where I see it, how I see it in my own life; Submitting to God is understanding that every breath I take, every beat of my heart, every time I wake up in the morning may all be due to so many facts, but it’s really all according to His lovingkindness.
His Will is His nature and His nature is His lovingkindness; Personally it’s seen in EVERYONE who I still have up until now – my Mom, my brothers and their families, my cousin who still serves our household fully; Friends, family, partners, acquaintances, adversaries.
I see God’s lovingkindness in you, dear reader. I don’t know who you are, I don’t know what you’re going through, I don’t know why you happened to read this far, I don’t know if or why this is the first or fortieth(!) of my pieces of chicken scratch that you’re going through; You may be reading this out of curiosity, out of spite; In anonymity for sure, and preserving that anonymous status…
But I believe God’s lovingkindness is seen in everyone’s, and your own sustenance, preservation, and in our interaction, or lack thereof.
I used to be so melancholic about this, too. Maybe I still am. But the point is, I’m taking all of this as a reminder that I am to submit to God as much, if not more than I resist the devil in these times of weakness – I’m taking all of this as a reminder that there’s actually some beauty in submitting to God, the same way that there’s some solid value to be had from intentionally subjecting all that I am to His lovingkindness – BEHOLDING God in all His goodness, beholding our Father’s perfect and everlasting love…
Because it’s not only in the people who are present, but by God – I can wallow in self-pity and despair over who left, OR I can come to the realization that (1) God was with us in the time we had together, and (2) I had the rare privilege of interacting with these people, the honor of spending even the smallest of times with them.
Submitting to God means beholding His everlasting love, and beholding His everlasting love goes beyond being in awe of what we have, but also appreciating His grace in allowing, again, even the smallest of times with who or what we had before. And I’m not just talking about everyone I loved before. I’m also talking about my Dad, my relatives, friends, and even enemies (or at least those who have come against me) whose physical bodies expired before ours did.
Submitting to God goes beyond reframing and positive thinking, but being genuinely thankful to the Creator of the Universe and all that is seen and unseen, for… well, everything, really.
You can forget everything I talked about here, because all I’m saying is that we would do well for ourselves, especially in our times of weakness, to, yes, be vigilant in staying away from that cigarette, that bottle, that account, that message history, that website, those pictures, those videos, that extra donut, too much time on that bed, too much attention towards that person, or whatever is framed as ‘the devil’;
Being thankful hits two birds in one stone. Being thankful gets us to submit to God. Gratitude also automatically has us resisting the devil, to the point that he flees from us.
And, now that I recall, I suppose being thankful would bring literal angels to minister to us, the same way they ministered to our Savior after being tempted with the three most hardcore temptations, from the devil.
We persist in gratitude, and we would have literal angels – supernatural envoys and messengers of the Most High – serving us, the same way Elijah was given fresh bread and encouragement to rest and sleep, which by the way was right after he told God to just take his life because he was sick and tired of all the bullshit.
And while anyone else and their preferred scammer ‘thought leader’, ‘motivational speaker’, and/or (ugh) podcaster would give you the same, matter-of-fact advice of just saying ‘thank you’, I’m not about to have you purchasing a spanking hot, shiny new ‘gratitude journal’ which features most of my lines that actually and really make sense, along with images from my (paused) photographic ‘career’ (though that journal may be a good idea)… No, I suppose I’m reminding you, and myself, that it’s one thing to be thankful for everything, but it’s the Spirit that actually gets us on the right start on giving thanks…
…and, surprise surprise, it all starts with what matters – WHO matters – we give thanks, first and foremost, to God, for God, from God, through God. We give thanks for Jesus Christ, who saved us by way of becoming our sin so we become His righteousness.
We give thanks, because by the righteousness imputed unto all of us who believe, we now have eternal, everlasting life.
We give thanks, because through our being righteous, we have full and complete access to God, who is now our Father, as close to us as He could ever be.
We give thanks, because ALL this is true and constant and consistent no matter what the devil throws our way.
We give thanks – yes, we thank God! For even in our weakness and vulnerability, the Truth remains that we are ALWAYS in good standing with God – meaning the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit are ALWAYS with us, just as we are ALWAYS with Him, together forever, no matter what we’re going through.
We give thanks, because even if death knocks at our door, the truth of the matter is that we have life, and life everlasting – which, according to the Word, means that though we die, we shall live. Our physical bodies may return to dust, but we shall merely sleep and wake up again.
We give thanks, because even if we find ourselves ghosted, abandoned, blocked, and left with all sorts of questions, left hanging with all our emotions and desires unaddressed, our passions suddenly without an outlet, the Truth stands – we can ALWAYS cast our burdens upon Him, and come to him, and He will give us rest.
We submit to God, we resist the devil.
The devil flees from us… but, hey, it’s not like the Father ever left us. Christ and His Spirit – we were ALWAYS, and will ALWAYS be in God’s holy presence, just as He is with us.
All glory to His name.
I am learning. I am being transformed for the better, by the renewing of my mind. I am flowing.
There… may be time for another session later. Sorry for cutting this short now, but I need to head out.
I thank God for you. May our Father bless you. Fully. Completely.
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JB's Personal Brain Defragmenter 
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