Begin month 7, of 2026.
Life has been hard as of late… and I have yesterday to sort of remind me of where I stand.
The literal end of June actually started out okay. I was awake and out of bed at a reasonable time, and I was playing Shogun 2 early in the morning, with the customary mug of black coffee. A friend of mine who I was in touch with the night before reached out and was unusually early for a planned meetup, so I had to cut my gaming short, and took a jeep to town… but not before sending our church service’s monthly help to our partner ministries down south.
Took a nice walk to the meeting place, where we immediately met up with a lawyer to have a document notarized. This friend of mine then asked if I had anywhere else to go, because apparently, he planned on driving me back home because ‘serving me was good’… To which I took a little advantage of the free ride by asking him to drive to a pharmacy close to home. I bought vitamin C pills, left him a couple as ‘payment’, and he eventually dropped me off.
Now for the rest of the day, I was on standby, because I didn’t know if my Mom wanted to drive off to buy groceries and/or vegetables. When I finally got confirmation that she wasn’t going out, well, I could have stepped up and done a whole bunch of things here at home… and I did, until around 3pm after lunch, when I started feeling bad in the head. Like, lousy. The sun was still up but I was feeling sleepy, hot, and the pain in my head wasn’t going away.
It came to a point that I decided to retire and turn in by 6:30pm – very unusual. The head pain was getting worse, and I felt it was getting bad behind my right eye, to be precise. Instead of getting ice, I pulled out a bag of avocado flesh that my mom kept in the freezer to keep it from spoiling, wrapped a towel around it to serve as a cold compress.
I had trouble relaxing. The pain was still present and was showing little to no signs of subsiding. I decided to hop out of bed and pop the last biogesic I had in the office, and continued to hydrate and stay cool. Eventually, I don’t know what exact time that was, but I was able to relax, and then sleep.
I then woke up at around 4:30 to go to the bathroom, and just stayed in bed for the entire morning this morning, July 1. Through that evening I was afraid… I didn’t know what was going on with me, and I didn’t have any immediate approaches to address the pain.
I thought it could be high blood pressure, stress, and/or even possible rabies. The head pain was gone by the time I woke up but the head feeling like it’s burning still persists to this writing, and it’s around 7:18 in the evening. And if I’m being honest, I still feel afraid.. I told God this last night, and, well, I’m letting you know now, dear reader.
It’s been a humbling day, if I’m to be honest. The pain hasn’t come back, but the fear of what this may be is still here – and I say it’s been humbling to the point that I caught myself doomscrolling and idling on social media less; I’ve been catching myself realizing, this reel or that video doesn’t really matter or doesn’t really interest me, and I’ve been closing out of Facebook more, because I realize I’m only going to get agitated by what I see.
I’ve also been realizing that I need to be ready for the worse case scenario. Throughout today I was also thinking of systems that I needed to get myself back into, and, well, here I am, writing again.
And I’m writing, sharing all of this in particular, not with any intention to end with my saying I’m afraid…
But to say that it’s our everlasting Father’s everlasting and perfect love that casts out all fear.
Life as of late hasn’t been good. I mean, I keep saying life could be better, or it could be worse… I’m not about to emphasize that it’s worse, BUT it definitely could be better from a whole lot of perspectives. I’ve been writing specifics on the notebook, and I don’t really think I want to start sharing here, but what I do want to say is that it’s by the power of the Holy Spirit that we are always brought back to peace… Yes, just like it was eventually at my wits’ end (giving up after all sorts of remedies and approaches to relax) that the breathing and the heartbeats actually started to slow down, so, here and now, in spite of any and all reports, pending or executed, I give God all the thanks and glory… Because He is faithful.
Through the pain, He is with me.
Through the dread, fear, and anxiety, He is loving me.
Through the uncertainties, He is faithful.
Through it all, it is well with my soul.
Thank You, Father, for the reading of Your Word.
Looks like we’ve passed Psalm 150… and I think I want us to go back to Psalm 1. It seems timely considering what I mentioned during the last post: We’re going to be hitting the Word a little more this Q3.
Psalm 1
The Way of the Righteous and the End of the Ungodly
1 Blessed is the man Who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, Nor stands in the path of sinners, Nor sits in the seat of the scornful;
2 But his delight is in the law of the LORD, And in His law he meditates day and night.
3 He shall be like a tree Planted by the rivers of water, That brings forth its fruit in its season, Whose leaf also shall not wither; And whatever he does shall prosper.
4 The ungodly are not so, But are like the chaff which the wind drives away.
5 Therefore the ungodly shall not stand in the judgment, Nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous.
6 For the LORD knows the way of the righteous, But the way of the ungodly shall perish.
I’m reminded today of Jocko Willink and Jordan Peterson: Branded by a good number of folks as the wisest tough guy, and the toughest wise guy, respectively.
I’m reminded here, that we would do well to be a warrior in a garden, rather than to be a gardener in a war – but praise God, because by the Word, we actually add value to our physical and mental attributes… to both our tactical and our strategic skills.
In other words, it’s by the Word of the Lord that we are made wise AND tough;
It’s by delighting in the the Word of the Lord that we tend well to our gardens, AND prepare ourselves for war;
It’s by meditating on the Word of the Lord that we are able to heal physically and recover mentally, to be more tactically sound and to strategically advance… all at the same time.
Sure, fellowship and association have their part, but I believe that every member of the body of Christ should know how to use their Swords first, before even thinking about other approaches to warfare.
By the Word we stand firmly on our own, not easily moved or swayed by wind or wave. In fact, it is by the Word that we eventually see the need for tactics involving others, but only after we are able to fight on our own.
By the Word we are upright, and by the Word we stand together.
As always, we thank God, here and now, because in this day and age the Word goes beyond just the written Scripture – No, we cannot mention the Word without mentioning Christ; The Word always points to Christ, and Christ always points to the Word.
By the Living Word, who is Christ, we are restored, we are healed; I am directed, I am protected, I am revived.
Sorry to end this so abruptly. Let’s keep going. Amen.
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