Neglect. I’ve seen it at the resort. We all saw it. We all went as far as to speculate that (1) the owners lost interest and/or (2) have focus elsewhere.
Neglect. I’m seeing it at home. The dogs could be doing better. The cats, too. Mom could be healthier. The place could be cleaner. Either (1) I lost interest, and/or (2) have focus elsewhere. More to the former, if you ask me honestly.
Neglect. I’m seeing it in my own personal life. I’m gaming more than I should be. I’m literally eating like a pig, eating more and sleeping right after. I know what I should be doing. I know what I shouldn’t be doing. Pretty sure in this case I’m focused on how I lost interest.
Cringe. Sprinkles of condemnation accompanying the neglect. Memories of times I did things wrong, times I did the wrong things, times I was wrong in the head and in the body. Memories of when my timing was off. Times when my words and actions were reckless.
Regret. The completion of a cycle in the downward spiral, digging deeper and deeper into despair, and death. Remembering how I read somewhere that the series of bad things happening to anyone comes from a lack of self-respect. I see this as very possible. It’s happening.
It’s happening, and sure enough I went against the flow of the fellowship last Thursday – when the rest of the group was praising the Lord and giving thanks to Him for His goodness and grace happening all around, I sort of ruined the party. I told them that I was having trouble resting. I told them I was having trouble beholding.
Now that I think about it I believe it was because I didn’t think I could stop. I also thought I was well on my way to better things, even when I saw that things were not okay considering the current trajectory which involved blatant amounts of neglect and regret and regret and neglect.
I was frustrated with my life. I still am, in the sense that I know I could do so much better. That’s because part of me is still smarting from that downward spiral.
We spoke last Sunday of the God who is with us through the fire and the darkness. Here and today, it seems we were led to speaking about the God who is with us when we have no fire.
I couldn’t help but share how I really felt, to Dox and company last Thursday. I told them about how I was finding trouble resting; I was being honest with them regarding how I found it hard to keep dwelling on the Word, to keep waiting on the Spirit. And if I was even more brutally honest, I didn’t want to be still, but on the other hand, I didn’t want to move either. I just wanted everything resolved according to my expectations, totally contrary to what I was preaching.
The day after that, I was taken aback by a beautiful sunset at the beach. Pastor Ronnie was with us, and with me while we were watching the sky darken… and I told him I was happy for him, and genuinely happy, because I knew that he just recently witnessed the sun set from both coasts of the United States, and even in beautiful Hawaii – where I’ve never been to, by the way.
First, he shared something I already knew – the sunset was breathtaking every time, and it still continues to amaze both him and myself. However, what he said after that got to me – we’re amazed by the colors of the sky, the sun, the waves… But it’s all so small compared to the countless stars in the heavens, and the astounding life beneath the waves… His point was that we’re already so amazed by such a small grain of sand in a vast desert we’re calling God’s blessings.
It made us seriously consider that we ought to be living – and living is revelling in the infinite love that no eye has seen, no ear has heard, and, really, no earthly sense can fathom; Real living is moving, knowing that we have a great and good God, willing and able to bless us with the impossible – the deep, wide, long, and high grace of our Father.
You’d think I could have said that, but the direction I took was as follows:
As you’ve seen in the last 2 posts, it still stands – we’re to behold Him. We’re to look at Christ and His finished work. We’re to continue to dwell on His Word, and, even in times when the world has you focused on failures and regretting its consequences, we’re to keep waiting on the Spirit…
…and I think the key here is to understand that beholding Christ is its own reward.
Message for me today is to delight in the Lord, trusting that He would give me the desires of my heart.
Message for me today is to abide in Him, and to take in the truth of His faithful presence – to not only direct the way I speak, but the way to think and therefore act.
Message for me today is, again, not only to survive the brutally consistent onslaught of this sin-tainted universe, but to live the divine, infinite and eternal blood-bought life I have in Christ.
Move from the momentum of thanksgiving, over the reflex of regret.
As I shared today, Brother Juan insisted we all read Psalm 19 out loud… and I think it was very timely for us:
Psalm 19
The Perfect Revelation of the LORD
To the Chief Musician. A Psalm of David.
1 The heavens declare the glory of God; And the firmament shows His handiwork.
2 Day unto day utters speech, And night unto night reveals knowledge.
3 There is no speech nor language Where their voice is not heard.
4 Their line has gone out through all the earth, And their words to the end of the world. In them He has set a tabernacle for the sun,
5 Which is like a bridegroom coming out of his chamber, And rejoices like a strong man to run its race.
6 Its rising is from one end of heaven, And its circuit to the other end; And there is nothing hidden from its heat.
7 The law of the LORD is perfect, converting the soul; The testimony of the LORD is sure, making wise the simple;
8 The statutes of the LORD are right, rejoicing the heart; The commandment of the LORD is pure, enlightening the eyes;
9 The fear of the LORD is clean, enduring forever; The judgments of the LORD are true and righteous altogether.
10 More to be desired are they than gold, Yea, than much fine gold; Sweeter also than honey and the honeycomb.
11 Moreover by them Your servant is warned, And in keeping them there is great reward.
12 Who can understand his errors? Cleanse me from secret faults.
13 Keep back Your servant also from presumptuous sins; Let them not have dominion over me. Then I shall be blameless, And I shall be innocent of great transgression.
14 Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart Be acceptable in Your sight, O LORD, my strength and my Redeemer.
This is what we live in: The Perfect Revelation of the LORD. He is seen in the heavens and the earth and in all creation; He is revealed in His Word, and we are transformed from glory to glory, by the renewing of our mind.
Thank You, Father, for the reading of Your Word.
May the Lord continue to bless us all… oh, all glory to His name.
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