Enough with the distractions. We need to type. We need to write. We need to get things down, get things out, get things defined.
Writing remains to be the tool of choice, in my desire to be a precise man.
Shall we dive in? Shall we start from the top and end in the known navigable depths of my soul?
“Vanity of vanities,” says the Preacher; “Vanity of vanities, all is vanity.”
Ecclesiastes 1:2
We’re seeing all-time highs and lows all over the world. I know this, not because of legacy/mainstream media, but because of what’s shown by the algorithms in the mediums of social media I’m active in – Facebook, Threads, X, YouTube and so on.
- Gas prices aren’t as insanely high as they were a month or two ago. I’m not sure where the entire world stands with regards to everyone’s access to oil; I’m assuming that more and more countries have seen the compromise behind their dependence on the Strait of Hormuz, and their leaders have made adjustments accordingly.
- Speaking of adjustments, I’ve also been seeing more global awareness and consequent concern over the literally fatal impact of illegal immigration. I’ve been seeing stabbings, thefts, brutal assaults, and other crazy things happening in the least likely of places – or, places we once thought were very safe.
- The election fraud in California is bringing back feelings of frustration previously provoked last 2016, when Smartmatic machines did their thing. We’ve also seen instances of blatant and obvious fraud last 2020 in the US Presidential Elections. What frustrates me about it is that we’re posting our anger over the situation, but it just feels like that’s about all we can do.
There’s probably more I can mention, but we’ll keep it at these three on the international level – (1) Global conflict impacting supply lines so hard that we feel it here in our own city, (2) Relaxed immigration policies in too many countries are causing incidents in numbers too high to effectively cover by both mainstream and unconventional media, and (3) a continued pattern of shameless impunity and blatant entitlement by unscrupulous powerful entities.
Into the national level.
…Oh, and by the way, before I lose track, I’m doing this all with the intention of setting up a proper personal ‘restore point’ of sorts – where I go ahead and just lay out everything that’s going on, against the infinitely superior Truth. You can call it a precursor to laying down the Foundation, so we have proper Movement.
- To my understanding, there are two factions vying for majority power – simply, those who are in favor of the continued leadership of the current Vice President, and those who want her impeached.
- All this is emphasizing a prevalent mindset that we’ve all been suffering from, on a national level – We base our politics on personalities, and not on the systems.
- Weather folks are saying we’re almost into the rainy season. But, for some reason, the sun still rises early, the sun still sets late, and when it isn’t raining, it still gets pretty hot.
Again, there’s probably more I can mention, but we’ll keep it at these two on the national level – Contradictory chaos seen in both (1) government, and (2) the local weather.
We’d usually go through the local or city-wide level, but I think I’ll just cut to the chase from here on out. We’ve spent too much time here, and I think I’ve made my point that I still have some sort of grasp on reality here.
I mean, ideally, I should be out there, moving more than writing and doing more than psyching myself out to doing. And, sure, I’m not about to go through every step to take down to the literally painfully precise details (I’m not sure as to the accuracy of my data, anyway), but I WILL go through every step as I’ve plotted it in this wonderful brain.
God, help me.
…on to the personal level.
- In church we’ve talked about how this year 2026 was one when we would ‘bear more fruit‘, but I haven’t heard any testimonies from anyone else in our congregation – or I haven’t received any potable data that confirms that we’re seeing more love, peace, patience, joy, faithfulness, kindness, goodness and self-control.
- Maybe it’s because we’re too hard with each other. Maybe we have the wrong expectations. Maybe we’re too focused on the fire – but, as I mentioned last week, and will continue to emphasize – there are actual flowers that only bloom and burst forth with seeds, in the middle of bushfire.
- Little to no fruits, but I HAVE been seeing much movement lately: people moving out, people moving on, people moving back; people showing up from out of nowhere, people returning out of nowhere, people literally flying away…
- I’m also personally seeing movement in time: I’ve been sleeping earlier and waking up earlier… going on 3, or even 4 days straight now.
- …But amidst all this observable instances of outside movement, I’ve also recently been struggling with moving from the inside. As I’ve written in a previous note, I know what needs to be done, but I’m not taking steps towards ’em. Or, I’ve been moving slow. Or, I’ve been doing other things – gaming, doomscrolling, just sleeping, lying down when I should be exercising, glued to the screens when I should be focused on documentation.
- There are projects in church and at home that need time, effort and attention. There are personal projects I need to get into, and don’t even get me started with how I need more income…
- Or, should I be at least happy that I make enough to pay the bills every month? Should I make a note of the months that I was actually well taken care of, by way of folks who actually cared and/or have outstanding debts to repay?
Let’s keep going.
Side note: I’m certainly falling into my habit of making mountains out of molehills, but I’d like to assure myself that this is all moving towards something. I suppose it’s necessary, especially during this time of the year – the precise midpoint of the year.
- It was good timing that nobody showed up for our weekly fellowship for men last Saturday, so it gave me an opportunity to give updates and to receive wisdom from a mentor who’s endured me for almost two decades – Pastor Ronnie.
- I told him about everything that was going on in our afternoon service (if you must know it’s some of that ‘movement’ of people I mentioned earlier)… We both came to the point where I found it necessary to write something down, on my handy-dandy pocket notebook:
- ‘Do you want to get well, or do you want to get even?‘ – I’m not fully sure how we got to me writing this down, but I suppose it has something to do with people we encountered with ulterior motives. We have an idea of who stays on and who’s just passing by when we ask that question, when we offer to pray for them in particular.
- Eventually we arrived at a direct quote from Christ in the Gospels, where He asked blind Bartimaeus: ‘What do you want Me to do for you?‘
- …And here’s where part of me thought, if I ask this to others, I ought to know the answer for myself, first – and, well, I did not have a solid answer, just bits and pieces, here and there.
- I told him about everything that was going on in our afternoon service (if you must know it’s some of that ‘movement’ of people I mentioned earlier)… We both came to the point where I found it necessary to write something down, on my handy-dandy pocket notebook:
- As mentioned earlier, I’ve been waking up early, and it’s actually because I’ve been spending time with another good brother from another mother – Ephraim.
- I’ll just throw in an edited message he sent me that he graciously summarized from the verbal ass-kicking he gave me:
- You carry a heavy weight every day—not just as a pastor guiding others, but in your own personal walk and the quiet longings of your heart… The future feels incredibly blurry, and the weight of past love and unanswered prayers… feels overwhelming. It’s hard when your devotion to God feels like a barrier rather than a bridge, or when people expect you to have it all together because of your calling. Your piety isn’t a cage, and your human desires for companionship and peace are completely valid. Please don’t let the ghost of your past steal the future God is still building for you. It’s okay not to know the next step. You don’t have to be the perfect being.
Twice I was challenged to take a step back and do some evaluation. Twice I was challenged to be honest with myself.
And I’ve been honest with my present worldview. This world is so wrapped up in evil. It’s as it was, starting at our fall in Eden. Sin and death entered the world, and to this day, as we’ve seen on the international level, we’re witnessing famine in different forms (from events in Iran), wars and rumors of wars – not between nations, but people groups and religious sects, exacerbated by puppets in politics and global ‘leadership’ (who are behind these simultaneous pushes for mass immigration), moving at the behest of Christless folks who would openly demonstrate their blatant power of the laws of the land (by way of rigging elections).
We’re seeing how our nation is corrupt to the point of chaos and confusion. There needs to be change beyond regimes. Easy to change people but we need a serious change in our system, and, even deeper, a change in our mindset on a national level. We’re flawed in our way of thinking, from both the bottom to the top and from the top flowing down to the bottom.
I’m suffering the impact and consequences of corruption, on a personal level. Things haven’t been moving as I expected. People from the past have popped up out of nowhere, but not the people I’ve been hoping would reach out. I see the world around me moving, and I know I should be moving along with them, but instead I’m dragging myself into immediate, non-compounding comforts and pleasures.
The weight of the world is catching up to me… But, as always, we give thanks to the Lord for His Word.
Truly my soul silently waits for God; From Him comes my salvation.
Psalms 62:1
Here comes the turn.
(to be continued)
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