Pretty angry with myself now, considering how I’m acting in the light of me realizing how far I’ve fallen because of incremental, compounding mistakes. It’s almost like I’m crying out for help by way of an immediate mind wipe, and an immediate software patch to rectify what’s been warped and twisted after so many years of thinking the wrong way. Or, well, it’s not ‘almost like’ it; I’m asking the Lord for it, right now.
Sort of the same way that Office Space protagonist Peter Gibbons wanted the occupational hypnotherapist to, in his words, ‘zonk’ him in the head ‘so it doesn’t feel like work’ when he’s at work. Only in this case I’m asking for a zonk to immediately change how I see other people, and how I see myself. It’s either I’m having trouble coming in terms with the condemnation associated with all I’ve been doing to myself for the past years, or I’m having trouble moving out of (1) fear of making another mistake or, more likely (2) anxiety about my current status; that is, realizing what the problem is but not doing anything to at least try to minimize history repeating.
I know I’ve written about this before. I know I said that I probably shouldn’t be focused on the damage that has been done, nor should I be so fixated on how things are going to get better from here (and consequently why it isn’t going any quicker); No, I shouldn’t be focused on the wind and the waves, nor should I be focused on how I can stand and walk on the waters, but on the One who called me out to join Him in the first place…
…and, really, that all still stands. That’s still my mindset on this matter. I know I’ve told people, and I’m telling myself now that the Lord doesn’t necessarily answer the way we want and expect Him to. I guess I’m just forcing myself, by way of writing here and now, to accept the Truth in this matter, and in what I imagine is the same situation for a lot of us out there; the Truth that it was God Himself who answered to Paul, saying ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in your weakness.’
And I guess this is one of those moments where I would go ahead and jump into each and every word into that piece of Scripture. All in an attempt to get my mind together, all in an attempt to get all my being rallying back onto the Living Word, who is consequently my Firm Foundation – Christ, my Good Shepherd and my Savior.
It is, after all, His grace. He didn’t tell Paul that grace in general was going to be enough for Him; no, the Godhead was plenty specific in telling the Apostle, ‘MY Grace’.
We’re quick to define grace in church circles as ‘unmerited favor’, and we wouldn’t be wrong about it; but let’s understand, here, that when we talk about the Creator of the Universe talks about the unmerited favor which only He has and which only He could dish out, well, we can either go two ways – we wouldn’t run out of words to describe just how deep, how wide, how long, and how high it is, up there with His everlasting love for us; or, we would be rendered speechless at just how infinitely superior it is to any other concept or attempt at grace.
Because, see, what are we talking about when we talk about the unmerited favor that comes from God? Well, as I always would like to say, look no further than Jesus Christ. In this season of Christmas fast approaching we remember the baby Jesus born in a manger in Bethlehem. I mean, just remembering that scene ought to remind us, or have us realize that the only begotten Son of God, who reigned supreme with infinite power in the boundless, eternal heavenlies intentionally stepped out of this matchless glory to step into our finite and fragile reality. Just thinking about that and understanding how it is part of the grace of God… well, it at least left one psalmist in so much awe, that he would write, ‘who am I that You are so mindful of me?’
Indeed, who are we that He thought it was best for Him, not to take us to Him into His infinite reality, but to be born as one of us instead? For all the accolades we give to ourselves, we are one with everything else we see, hear, touch, smell and taste, in that we are all created; Creations infinitely inferior to the One who made us.
In light of this the Nativity Scene would have me appreciating the unmerited favor of God from another perspective – instead of forcing us to come to Him, it was Christ who wholeheartedly wanted to come to us; To feel us, to hear us, more than merely giving us writings on the wall, or manna from the skies, or all sorts of other spectacular miracles; the grace of God goes beyond Him merely communicating to us via signs and wonders, to literally communing with us. The unlimited One took on our limits to be that much closer to us.
And this is just us talking about His birth. I mean, we could roll out so much more digital space to discuss the grace of God as demonstrated through the Gospel records of Christ (and we probably should), but I’m just thinking the point has been made clear; By Christ we do not merely know ABOUT the grace of God; no, Christ HIMSELF is the grace of God, and it is truly fitting for us to say that He is sufficient.
So with that said, I suppose I could calm down. I could find peace, knowing that Christ is absolutely present AND sufficient for me. He is present and sufficient for me in these instances where I tend to condemn myself… and by the power of the Holy Spirit I am reminded, in spite of all the condemnation that is trying to drag me down and sabotage me right now – that I have been made righteous, and righteous unto eternal life.
It’s a start.
Until the next post, God bless you.
JB's Personal Brain Defragmenter 
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