Today is Monday, October 10, 2022. I’m inclined to share… well, a personal observation.
We were supposed to pay my Dad’s grave a visit today, but my mother was gracious enough to grant my request to reschedule this outing for Wednesday, seeing as I’ve been pretty busy since the weekend. No matter how I try to go ahead and find some sort of ‘rest’ on a Sunday, I’m always finding myself seeking more personal time the day after.
So for the entire day today, I was in control of my time. I slacked off in the morning after doing some time-sensitive deliverables. I was supposed to work out, but then distractions brought me to creating more scheduled content for social media – both for church and for my personal visual arts initiative (it sounds so much more sophisticated to say that versus just saying the Instagram account for my pictures); There were a couple other items I prioritized, such as straightening up my room and doing things here and there online. When it couldn’t be avoided any longer, I went ahead and worked out, uploaded the exercise video, took a bath, and then had me some lunch.
It was around 2-3pm, and this is what I thought after all this: I’d take a nap, and do the entire ‘cycle’ all over again – create or consume digital content, exercise, and then eat. I thought I’d continue watching the 4-hour Python tutorial by freeCodeCamp, but I found myself looking for more interactive education – I thought CodeAdvisor was good until I had to pay beyond their introductory ‘Hello World’ walkthrough, but then I found Educative. I’m currently at 12% progress, and we’re just brushing up on variable types.
I’m in need of a refresher. I still have intentions to finish a program I started when the pandemic came around – that was, a program that would translate the Fibonacci sequence into music, by way of taking each number in the sequence and somehow converting them into chords. Now that I think of it, and in light of everything I’ve been learning from my worship team since then, I’m led to thinking there are different approaches to that conversion. I only focused on one approach at the time I was active on it, but then I got distracted, and the original code is somewhere in my digital archive collecting digital dust.
After that I did some minor sets – burpees, squats, and lunges. Not enough to break a serious sweat, but certainly good to get the heart pumping, at least so that I feel better before I have another meal. Eventually, the plan is to move to meal replacement drinks in the evening, before just cutting it out completely. I’m past cutting my food intake to lost weight. Or, rather, that isn’t the priority. If that’s the focus then there’s the bigger chance that I give in to the urges to pig out. No, I’m choosing to lose weight to get lighter, so I’m quicker on my feet when I run, box, or do the Iron Wolf calisthenics. I’m surprised that I was able to hit the more advanced numbers during the September 2022 challenge, but I think I could do even better, if my body – AND my mind – gets satisfaction from the right food in quality and quantity.
Not sure I’m making any sense there but I suppose the exercise and the proper and eventually truly pleasurable eating is coming from, and towards celebration of this temple which Christ won for me. Same as I’m wanting to code, and wanting to work on all the other ventures which I’m ashamed to say, to this day, have only been ideas. I’m hauling all of these ideas out of my head into practice and production, all also in celebration of this temple which Christ has rebuilt for me.
It’s not only a celebration by way of this physical body, but also by way of my mind… and, God willing, people would see this light, and more relationships would be established, just as more people would be influenced, inspired, and also involved.
Anyway, I finished the quick workout to satisfy this second ‘cycle’, and I also had a light meal consisting of a sandwich and some baked plantains – good eating.
And now, I’m typing, just as I plotted I’d do.
I couldn’t help but mention that while I was going through the Educative Python course I was also in a conversation with Andrei, who popped up in my Messenger out of the blue. We had a good catch up. I told him I was using his ‘pay it forward’ philosophy, both for my sermon series for the kids every Friday, and also modified and presented to my general congregation yesterday. He also shared a story of how he fought against his hesitations to mention Christ in his work environment, and how he reaped the rewards and was ultimately vindicated when he finally took on the challenge, fully aware of the risks.
He shared a screenshot of a conversation he had with one of his co-workers – she said ‘God does not intend for me to become anything but a loving expression of that divine spark in us all.’
I found this profound at first but then I sought to clarify – for, see, I believe that the Lord has the best for us in mind, and it all started with His love. With that said I’d say God intends for us to be a loving expression of ‘that divine spark’ BEFORE anything else. Or actually, while I’m recalling this, I’m seeing that further clarification is needed, so I’d say ‘God’s intention is to love us. It’s out of His love for us that we express His love, whether intentionally or unconsciously.’
And by the way that ‘divine spark’ is another perspective of the Holy Spirit, who not only gives it, but IS the divine spark in us.
I felt like I needed that conversation with Andrei. I opened up by telling him what I probably wanted to share on here for the longest time, but couldn’t really put my finger on – that I’ve been experiencing transitions in so many areas of life at once – No, not THOSE sort of transitions, if you know what I mean – in the ministry, in my personal finances, and in family matters. In all of it I mentioned that I needed some sort of motivation, a more impactful sort of motivation, more than me just getting things done as expected by my congregation, or to have enough to pay my bills and to stop constantly shaving off my savings, or to actually bless my mom and my Manang Irene and my brothers and their families, more than just words and prayers.
To this Andrei responded:
‘What other motivation do we need than to be breathing bec of Jesus?’
And at first I thought, sure, I should be the first person to know that, but I don’t know, it does help to hear it from someone else, instead of just me trying to recall it and chant it on my own. Just to remember that in all my compartmentalizing and all my transitioning and all my trying to get it all together… I’m trying to do it all on my own, and obviously failing; or it definitely feels that way, at least. But whether I breathe as I read what’s on the computer monitor, or as I churn out burpee after burpee, or as I talk to my team or my family, or to the congregation: All these breaths are made in and through Christ, who is alive in me and with me through all of it.
It’s not such an impactful realization as I hoped it would be, but perhaps it’s where I need to draw motivation for now – in what’s turning out to be my exhaustive involvement in church, or facing my crushing failures in investing and personal finance, or my needing to make adjustments at the last minute so my Mom and my household are taken care of, I could say with boldness, that Christ paid such a great price for the best to come out of all of these things that I am fully aware of, just as much as the best is to come for all that’s beyond my control.
Whether I have all of it in place or not, Christ is with me, and Christ wants what’s best for me, being who’s best for me right now.
As part of me trying to handle all of this, I’ve also been led to pray. It’s just like how Don Vito tells Michael how’s been drinking more wine lately; I’ve been praying more these days. Kinda makes me wish I had a son who tells me, ‘It’s good for you, Pop.’
Anyway, yeah. I’ve been wanting to pray, and not just to pray for each and every item that’s on my mind, but really, just to top it off with gratitude.
Christ gave thanks for the 5 loaves and the 2 fish (or was it the other way around?), right before the miracle of the feeding of the five thousand.
Christ gave thanks to God for hearing Him, right before He called for Lazarus to come forth.
Lots of people like to quote that the Christian is strongest on his or her knees in prayer, and I could see why they say that – but I think there’s some truth to be learned in considering how we are the most powerful when we commune with the Lord out of a mindset of gratitude. We thank the Lord for what has been done, and in so doing find peace in all that’s to be done, or all that’s being done.
And, well, for me at this particular time, in this particular season, this particular phase… with all that’s going on in me, with me, through me, and from me in particular… I particularly would like to thank my Jesus – again, for His faithfulness to me. All this time I’ve sort of brushed off how He is closer to me than any of these thoughts I have, and all these situations that I’ve drawn closer to me by way of getting more involved; I’ve not necessarily forgotten but have surely placed on the wayside, how He is – as I ironically shared in an Instagram post – with me, not only where I am physically but also where I am mentally – in the locations and the situations that we construct for ourselves in our minds.
Through all this time that I’ve been distracted, and through all this time I’ve been distracted from being distracted, it is just as I was telling the Junior and Senior High kids – Christ with me, focused on me, thinking about me, even when I’m thinking of a million other things.
Somehow I forgot that it’s not that I cast my cares to the Lord for Him to think about me or these things – Truth is, it’s Christ who is thinking about me, it’s Christ who cares about me, and that’s why I cast all my cares to Him.
I am just so thankful to the Lord, for He is indeed faithful to us, even when we are faithless. I thank God, I thank Christ, and I thank the Holy Spirit for His presence and His faithfulness upon me and all that concerns me. I thank God, for He is with me in all this compartmentalizing. He is with me, his presence influencing me and directing me as I transition from one approach to another. I give thanks, for my God is faithful and He is with me, even in all my futile attempts to pull everything off without a hitch. In all of this, I thank God, for He reminds me of His power and His peace, constantly being poured out to each and every one in the body of Christ, at each and every moment and situation.
I thank God for His faithfulness. I suppose this is all I’ll rest with for now.
Let’s have a great week ahead, folks. Until my next post, God bless you.
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