‘Recalculating…’ – August 10, 2022 (231-232/365)

A wise son makes a glad father,

but a foolish son is a sorrow to his mother.

Proverbs 10:1

I hit the first verse for today’s Proverb and I’m hit back, hard. It’s an insecurity of mine, I suppose – what I seem to want is for my father to be glad, and not to be a sorrow to my mother.

I know I’ve established a revelation in the past, one that sustains me to this day – the revelation that my Dad may not have loved me the way that I expected, but he definitely, absolutely loved me with his best. It’s what I cling onto, and it’s not really like I have a choice, considering that his physical body gave in; or, sure, he died more than 10 years ago.

But I guess… I don’t know, if my Dad was still alive, I’m pretty sure he would have had some choice words for me, the way I’m doing things I’m doing now. So many possibilities to think about, but in the perspective of finances, considering all that I’ve been blessed with in the past decade, and how I’ve spent a good chunk of it without getting much back… let’s just say that I would have heard a good deal from him.

If I was to consider gauging how wise I am just by how I manage my money, I would have such a low score, if I made any points at all. I’m too good at spending money, and being impulsive, reckless and irresponsible with my savings. I doubt my Dad would have been anywhere near glad to know how I’ve been with the money that I’ve been blessed with.

Mom, bless her soul – she’s alive, thank God, and she’s still speaking her mind – but when it comes to the money I have and the money I’ve been spending, well, she stays quiet, for some reason.

Maybe my focus is all wrong. Maybe I’m too fixated on making my late father glad, and avoiding being, or bringing sorrow to Mom. Or, maybe I’m too conscious about trying to be wise, too conscious about trying not to be sorrow to Mom. Maybe it’s a mix of both.

Maybe I’m placing too much weight on financial literacy being a measure for wisdom. Or, maybe I’m making the wrong assumption that my Dad and mom base their gladness or their sorrow towards me, on how much money I make, or how much money I save. But the thing is, I know for a fact that I really haven’t been a good steward – I mean, the numbers of my bank account aren’t going up, and they haven’t been going up for a very long time.

But here’s the thing. I suppose I remain thankful. I think being thankful is what I need to be before being too introspective. I’m sure there’s nothing but anxiety to be found when I try to figure myself out, even if I do have an idea of what to fix. No, I’d rather give thanks. Give thanks to my God, who is not only faithful, but He is as Christ is described in the book of Revelation – literally Faithful and True. The One who has all there is to me all figured ou – He is FOR me, and He is NEVER against me.

I probably shouldn’t dwell too much on my standing with my parents, knowing that I am loved by God – loved, and so loved with an everlasting love. I am loved by the Creator of all that there is, and beyond, overflowing to the point that I accept how I do stand with Mom and Dad – and not only do I accept it, I keep working it out.

I probably shouldn’t dwell too much on my finances, or the fact that I’ve been on a losing streak for the longest time – maybe this is a decade-long lesson for me not to place my trust in my bank account, but on the One who does provide for me; The same God whom I testified is able to bless us when we aren’t expecting it, is the same God who sustains me and keeps me in all situations and circumstances; I know this because I have ALREADY been sustained – Christ offered His body as bread, and His blood as wine – Wine we partake of, in celebration of the Truth that He is who we need and want at any given moment.

I probably shouldn’t dwell too much on where I stand – whether in wisdom or foolishness – knowing that it’s Christ HIMSELF who is Wise, and is therefore the Wisdom I can depend on; LIVING Wisdom whom I can depend on, my God is not only faithful when I am faithless, but He is also Wisdom present when I seem to be… well, absent.

That’s the thing – it’s during these times that I could certainly allow myself to be overwhelmed by the thoughts of insecurity, inadequacy – and while, sure, I do admit to being insecure, and inadequate… it may be a struggle to accept, but the absolute Truth of the matter is that I am no further from God because of these things. Christ has paid such a great price for me to enjoy the Creator of the Universe; I could and I would not only approach, but RUN to the Throne of Grace, in spite of frustration plaguing my positivity,  insecurity trying to drag my being down…

This same Christ who is my Wisdom is my Good Shepherd, whom I mentioned was absolutely present, never fading, with me as I am with Him 100% of the time, even during those times that I think I know what I’m doing. Christ is my Good Shepherd, in this case, as my guide – leading me with His voice, leading me out of the murky waters, placing me on solid ground, showing me  my bearings.

Jesus takes the wheel, and He enjoys being in the Passenger seat just as much. We say that we enjoy His presence, and we do… but one thing that’s coming up as I write all this is a reminder – This same Creator, this Savior of our souls, He enjoys being with us too! He’s excited to be with us… and it’s not like He’s whipping out His phone to play whatever the King of Kings and Lord of Lord plays – well, sure, that’s probably a possibility –  but the point is, He ENJOYS us much more than I keep saying that we enjoy Him!

I suppose this is what I ought to keep in mind, with all the questions I have in my mind, and all the ‘probably shouldn’ts’ that popped up. Not only is the Maker of the Heavens and the Earth willing to listen to us, and not only does He enjoy being with us, He is interested in all that we have in mind! Indeed, I would ask God: Who AM I that You, You are so mindful of me!?

And it just humbles me to think – I had absolutely nothing to do with God paying attention to what I think is important! It was all because Christ KNEW for a fact that we were headed nowhere without God, and He could have easily saw us off to oblivion, but… Man, HE was the one who became sin, and took the death and entropy and meaninglessness that we deserved – Again, because He was not only able, but He was WILLING to be with us, and He was WILLING to have us with Him!

It just strikes me tonight, of all nights, to be aware of such a good and great and glorious grace. And, see, no matter where I stand, and no matter how I may be misinterpreting or misunderstanding things, I will be still. I will be still, in all my imperfections, in all my struggles, in all that I see before me, and all that’s in the rear-view mirror – I will be still, and know that the Lord, He is God; and NOTHING can ever separate me from His love.

(Really, Hillsong’s ‘Still’ is up there in my top Worship Songs that comes into mind. It’ll be up there if I was asked my top 10 worship songs of all time – and, really, that’s if anyone even cares to ask)

But sorry, let’s keep up this momentum. Let’s take some time to appreciate what we’ve gotten ourselves into – let’s take some time to thank God, because of who He is, and because of all He’s done; let’s pray.

Thank You, Father. Thank You for this time, and for the revelation You have given me and all of us who are going through some major stuff right now. We’re thankful for Jesus Christ, who paid such a great price for us simply to have peace during these moments. We thank You, God, for it is in these precise moments where you show that You are faithful even when we are faithless… and, apparently, we’re also learning that You are our Wisdom when we lack the wisdom for ourselves.

Thank You, God, for in all that we are going through, You continue to prove Yourself as our Good Shepherd: Fully present with us as we are fully with You at any and every given moment, even in times where we think we have it all figured out… and You are absolutely willing to guide us when You see that we are absolutely out of our way. Thank You. Thank You for being with each and every one of us within the body of Christ, ministering to us, rebuking us, reminding us, reassuring us, and just holding us together.

You are true to Your word! It was said that in You we were made, and we know this because You have made us New Creations; but You didn’t stop there, because it was said that in You we are held together… and we certainly know how You keep us in perfect peace, even in these times that would try their darndest to literally rip us apart! THANK You, Jesus, for You absolutely keep us in perfect peace, peace beyond understanding – You Yourself are our Prince of Peace, and it’s in the moments of strife that we see this more than anything else – Thank You so much, Jesus!

Friends, if you’re still with me, I just want to share that I do thank God for you. I’m not particularly sure why you’re still reading all the rambling that I have to spew out of my brain, but it does just assure me that somehow, I’m probably passing how I have been blessed on, that y’all would also be blessed. I don’t know, maybe this is me just paying it forward. I’ll admit there was a lot of babble involved to get me to where I am now, but rest assured, I will continue to work on the quality of the words that come out, without compromising how I want to be real and genuine each and every time.

So with that said, friends, I pray and I declare that you would all be reminded of Christ’s absolute superiority over anything and everything you are seeing before you. I pray that the Holy Spirit would just continue to work in and around each and every one of us, that we would not be left overwhelmed with all that world would have us focus – actually, I pray that we would always be reminded that we shouldn’t be too focused on anything, more than we should be aware, and consequently thankful, of the fact, the TRUTH – that it’s God who’s so focused on us.

Be safe, but be confident, knowing that Christ is with you even in the most unsafe of situations.

Be healthy, but be at peace, knowing that Christ has made you a new creation, far beyond the limits of our own physical bodies.

You’ve probably heard it elsewhere, but let me add something – In Christ, live long and prosper.

Yeah, I said it. God bless us all.


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