So, here we are. It feels like I’m taking steps in different directions, different strides, different distances… moving away from a core that needs to be exposed. I do this to see what dissolves after being exposed to the elements. I do this to see what remains. I also do this to see what could be integrated, from all that’s gathered from stepping away.
Walking just short of unattainable omnipresence, admittedly being all over the place – like a puzzle that was broken down to each individual piece, only some pieces may be lost in time or space, and some pieces have been augmented, forced to fit in places they shouldn’t be, just to make it seem like everything is solved.
I’m not quite sure where this is all coming from. With the underlying themes of decentralization, expansion, and system updates, on top of daily maintenance and other tasks that I’m still trying to get a hold of, much less making into habits themselves, you can say that I don’t need to have initiative on my part to see that I’m spread too thin. Technology helps, albeit temporarily. Automation isn’t as convenient as it seems, considering that there still needs to be some active observation and intervention for so-called passive ventures and opportunities. You can say that I tried to address my predicament by way of setting up solutions according to my limited perspective, and alas, I have a heavier workload.
I brought this all upon myself. There is nobody else to blame – that is, if there is any reason for us to see all of this as wrong in the first place. Which it probably is. But then I remember something Grigor Andolov told Bobby Axelrod in their first moments of meeting – You need to expand yourself, as a body of water, when things get too salty.
Perhaps the issue isn’t about my spreading myself too thin. I should remind myself to be fluid. To take form as needed wherever I am poured, fully aware that I could not be everywhere – I need to focus on where I am at any given moment, and be present there. Maybe I’m not lacking the salt – on the other hand, maybe I just need to focus on being water, as Bruce Lee would say.
Focus on flowing where I am, and the flavor will follow.
Not sure if I’m making any sense right now. No, I’m not drunk. In fact, I just think I have so much in my head, that I don’t know where to start doing exactly that – flowing.
Well, okay. Guess I should be open about it. I finally got a new laptop, something I’ve been ‘meditating’ (or, really, just brooding over and/or procrastinating on because of fear) on for the longest time. I thought it’d be straightforward, and all I needed to do was to set it up. Not having a good experience with it so far, considering that the bottom of the device heats up a bit, taking the ‘lap’ out of the laptop. I mean, it doesn’t overheat, but it doesn’t feel comfortable either.
It’s a bummer because I was planning on typing for today from my new device, only to leave it upstairs to work on it here in the loyal desktop. It’s up there processing files, and I’m doing this article while waiting. I hope that my next steps – battery calibration and firmware updates – address this situation. It’s sad because you only get to see these sorts of issues as you go along with using it, and not right then and there when you test it with the vendor. It just sucks because it’s not like the USA where I could go back to them and request a replacement, no questions asked (or, well, I could be wrong. If you’re in the States, kindly let me know).
But there it is – I’m needing to be fluid in this situation as well. I mean, I need to adjust by way of finding solutions to address the problem myself, therefore making the device more ‘mine’ in the process… and hope to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ that we get it fixed. I mean, God help me, I’ve only had the device for a couple of hours. And while the laptop is doing some off the shelf setup (I’m thinking of calling it my second Battlecruiser, until another RTS unit comes to mind), I’ve had to ‘flow’ back to the main Desktop to work on my daily thousand words.
It helps to be fluid, and present. I guess I’ve had to learn this today, after all the events that transpired and are still ongoing – before I do what I just remembered to do right now; that is, to take an honest assessment of where I stand so far this month, as I usually do every month. No, this has to be shared first. After this I check on the laptop, and if things get better, maybe I go back to work (typing) there or keep going here.
It does help to be fluid, and present. It doesn’t necessarily mean to cut off any links to anything else that needs your focus to process, but it also doesn’t mean you give your presence to all of them at the same time.
And there it is. I’m trying to be omnipresent, and I’m only ending up being all over the place. That’s what I meant to say. And now, what I mean to do is to flow – that is, to take the form of wherever I am needed at any particular moment, trusting in the Truth (who, incidentally, IS omnipotent) to be as faithful as Paul shares – Faithful to make all things at all places at all times work together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.
Going back to the statement I shared yesterday:
“A busy life makes prayer hard
Prayer makes a busy life easier”
I suppose prayer is what’s needed. We could only commit our beings to one thing at a time. Everything else, we lift up in prayer. That’s the only way I see to maintain my sanity right now.
To be fluid is to be present where we’re needed. Everything else, we lift up in prayer.
More to come, as we progress through this week.
God bless us all.