Settling Along The Stream – March 23, 2022 (82/365)

I’m at a loss right now. Or rather, I don’t feel like I’m making good progress.

Whatever I started last February is showing its issues, and sadly, I haven’t thought too much on expanding. I mean, I’ve diversified but I still used the same tactic, so technically, instead of having separate resource flows, they’re all considered one big flow, just under different names.

And that’s the thing. I thought it’d be a big flow, at least. But the momentum on these flows have been pretty weak as of late.

I was warned about this earlier on. I was warned that if the economics of these resource flows didn’t change, and if the people behind each of the companies were lying about their roadmap beyond the initial momentum, then I could kiss my capital goodbye. But on the other hand, it’s too early to write each and every one of these people off as outright scammers. Most of us who are still on the same boat are holding and hoping that (1) the plans of these companies would push through as projected, and (2) market sentiment would respond on a positive note to their moves, going beyond the tactics that would pass them off as scams.

Now that I think about it, I was gambling, in the name of trying to make a name for myself. I know I keep telling myself and others that proper research is key – do your homework before even considering any sort of investment, even if it is money that you’re willing to lose. Well, to be honest, my numbers are going down, and I’m not as confident as I used to be in spending – I’ve lost money I’m willing to lose, and the feeling still sucks.

I was boxing, reading the Bible, and writing on the notebook and here on Evernote since earlier this week, and I thought I would share the benefits of these re-established routines by way of a tweet. In it I mentioned that, as a computer hard disk, you would ‘defragment’ your own mind by way of these routines – I said Boxing, Bible, and Blogging for the alliteration, but I also chose those three, in line with that Naval Ravikant had to say about hobbies: Choose one that would make you fit, one that would make you smarter, and one that would make you money. Putting all of this together, I believe, besides their own benefits on their own, the repetition of said activities would have us approach any lingering thoughts or plans we have from another perspective. We would repeat what makes us fit, smarter, and richer, until we arrive at a point of clarification (and direction) or exhaustion – that means not only in the physical sense, but also mentally, to step back and go back to the drawing board.

By constantly moving in between each activity, I was turning my worrying and my wasteful speculations into actual meditation. I’ve been finding out that if we would be using what energy would be generated from thinking about a decision we had to make, or an idea or yearning we couldn’t shake, and placing it into productive activities such as this – writing, and shifting from here to other activities, we would come up with responses we would never have arrived at under the looming umbrella of fear and condemnation.

It’s not that we ignore these thoughts – no, on the contrary, we process them correctly, respecting them by not inflating them out of proportion, but recognizing them as they are. And without sharing too much on these personal thoughts, and without going into too much technical jargon, what I will say is that all I’ve gotten since the first day of boxing, Bible and blogging is that I need to raise my levels when it comes to determining when enough research is enough.

I mean, just looking at my choice of words – I didn’t mind saying I was gambling, and all this was because I thought I knew enough about what I was getting into before jumping into it. Then again, there may be some things that I may have learned only after I took the first step, but all in all, I think I could do better in converting my gambling actions into actual calculated risks – that is, to double and triple check the calculations just so that we recognize the risk more.

It’s not enough that we accept the projected risks we see off the bat and think that we could handle the loss. There are, after all, unforeseen circumstances, and while they could work for our benefit, they most certainly could contribute to failure.

I’m not saying we should be neurotic, nor am I saying we should be reckless. There ought to be a balance between these two, and knowing that balance just has to come with experience.

So I don’t know, I suppose experience is needed. Experience is not a separate from research – I see it now more as the pinnacle of research.

I thought I’d feel a little better after going through all that – it may be nice advice I came up for, for myself, but I’m still feeling down.

I’m usually the first one out there to shoot a nice sunset, and we’ve been having some really nice ones lately, but I don’t feel that enthusiastic in taking pictures of anything lately.

It’s like for the past few days I’ve been taking assessment on myself and… There’s a lot of self-condemnation going on. I’d elaborate on it further, but writing it down here without really thinking about it would be a little foolhardy – like I’m setting what’s speculative on stone.

Through all this, I’d just like to say, that I am thankful. The regrets of past decisions I’ve made are kicking in, and through all this I’m seeing that my own efforts to atone for the mistakes of my past aren’t doing any good. But I am thankful. There is still hope. There will always be hope. I’m typing all of it right now like a spiel, but I’m not mistaken.

The same God who’s been with me through the high times is surely with me right now, in the literal basement. I am thankful for His faithfulness, even when I question Him or the faith He’s authored in me. I know this will pass, and I know – I am so thankful, that I know He is with me, faithfully ministering to me, feeling the pain with me, sighing with me through all of this. Even these words are under His watchful eye.

And it’s not like it’s anything I did – God forbid I earned that sort of favor with Him. No, Christ knew we could reach this glory, so in His everlasting love He did what only He could do so the great infinite heavens would come to me, come alive in me and to all who would believe.

At times the flow is as a raging river going in and through me… today, it feels like a peaceful brook. Let me walk by these streams as they pass, knowing that I will never be alone.

I am never forsaken, always in the thoughts of our everlasting God.

And it’s all thanks to Jesus.

To live is Christ, to die is gain, indeed.

God bless us all.

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