Forced Evolution – February 28, 2022 (59/365)

I apologize in advance because I was half asleep while typing the majority of all this. Here I was, in a ‘trance’ of sorts, and apparently some of the filth hidden deep in my mind was drawn out.

So this morning, I had to drive out early because my mother wanted to attend the mass to commemorate an uncle’s first death anniversary. Now, she’s in town doing stuff, but I couldn’t pick her up because of vehicle restrictions impacting my plate number every Monday.

Here I am, just lounging here at church. This isn’t really my favorite place to be in, but it’s a place with good and free internet access. During any other day I would have easily decided to drive home, but lately I’ve been very mindful in making the most of every drive.

Gas prices are just that crazy. But I suppose I ought to be careful because these are times we practice how flexible we are when faced with conditions and situations that aren’t necessarily ideal.

I must add, that it’s good to know that even in these times that test our resolve and our faith, we can still take heart, we can still find it in ourselves to choose life and hope over despair; For not only do we see how flexible we are, but we are also able to test what we trust in to see if they stand firm in our trials.

Obviously, anything that shakes is obviously not worth as much trust as whatever remains, much more anything that thrives. I remember those flowers in Australia that only bloom and spread their seeds when touched by fire. Imagine, while everything around them is burning, they thrive.

Do the objects of our trust stay firm when we are shaken? Or pushing it further, do they not only stay firm, but actually flourish even in the face of adversity? And even if we answer ‘yes’, how long does it take before they wear out from flourishing, and before they weaken and lose their stance?

Fortunately, and you know I was going to get to this, we not only have a Rock on whom we can stand, but one we can certainly find out footing and bearings from, through its being a sure, firm Foundation. Of course, I’m referring to no less than Jesus Christ, who not only is faithful, but also established what faith we may claim to have through His finished work.

I suppose it’s just right that I’m not at home right now. Chances are, I may be slacking instead of actually doing something – like right now, if I was at home, I’d hold off on typing my 1000 word daily quota until later in the evening. I’d eat, and lie down thinking that I need to rest to digest, and I would end up spending more time than what is usually prescribed.

To be in an environment that constricts your movements may be beneficial in the sense that you are forced to move in ways you may have been originally held off from doing… and sometime the only solution is to work through the pain, or more like the laziness.

We need constant and optimal changes of environment. This doesn’t always mean a literal change in location, but it’s also us training our minds to automatically think in a certain way as, say, we walk into a certain room, or as we listen to a particular song, etc. Changing environments begins with our minds… certainly a good lesson to cultivate as I, myself, am away from home, where progression certainly happens, but more often than I would want, a lot of laziness pops up as well.

The goal here isn’t to change our environments to feel ‘good’ before we do anything. If that was the mindset then we would end up a whole lot more unproductive because we’re waiting on a feeling before we move. No, the way to see it is to move by way of changing our environment, to, say, limit our movement so we are more effective in the steps we CAN take.

Or, hell, we change our environments because the ones we’re currently in aren’t promoting progression – more like dragging us down.

Much elaboration on what’s supposed to be a simple appreciation of applied human behavior. I do have a lot of time in my hands. It worries me because I know for a fact that there are more pressing things I could apply my mind and being into, not necessarily in terms of importance, efficiency and/or effectiveness, but expediency.

I don’t know if it’s a good or a bad thing that I know that these things I’m procrastinating on are things that I intentionally avoid. I ask myself from time to time, is it so bad to hold off on these things in favor of what I want to do?

I suppose some of this conflict has its origin from my listening to Andy Stanley talking about how he handles his finances. In a nutshell, he says, ‘Give, Save, and Live on the rest’… pretty nice to keep in mind, but even before we jump into that principle he does mention that any debt that we have has to be addressed.

Maybe the debts we have are those we bring upon ourselves, and sure, I’m game to handling those obligations… but I’m not sure I ought to take the abandoned responsibilities of other people.

I mean, sure, I know I should help out. I tried helping out. I tried moving, and I just ended up frustrated. Tried to face my fears and all that, but I ended up seeing much more in what I fear, that I lost all motivation in making more steps forward. And now that I’ve brought it all back into my mind, I suppose the next steps I could take is to face the rest of the family to tell them of my intentions, or lack thereof. Call it irresponsible, but I don’t know, I don’t see myself facing our issues on my own.

It’s a change of environment I wasn’t looking for, and for all the maturity I claim to have, I want out on these ones.

I’m out of ideas. I’d rather pray.

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