Man, all that’s been compiled, all random thoughts that I wouldn’t dare stretch to a thousand words… it’s late, and I want to sleep, but I do want to make sure I hit my goal. I want to stay consistent, I want to keep my streak of a thousand words a day.
But I don’t know, there’s either too much in my mind, or nothing at all that I want to squeeze out. It’s like I’m just going on and on, but there doesn’t seem to be much, if anything at all, in the buffer memory. Am I even using that term right? Buffer memory, like the memory to be accessed and processed first, sort of the space that keeps the thoughts in the mind while I’m typing, to ensure retention while my fingers try to catch up with what the brain is producing and processing.
It’s funny because that was the supposed email of one of my classmates in college: ‘buffers’, with a yahoo.com domain. That’s right, the first thing I thought was this guy was bullshitting in a way that I think he saw the first words he understood on a computer and made that his IT-esque email address for him to look smart.
At that time Reddit didn’t exist but man, I would’ve screenshotted that and posted it on /iamverysmart.
And I don’t know, call me a hypocrite, and if you must, please call me out if it sounds like I like hearing myself talk (or, in this case, type)… that’s not the goal here. As Mr. Osbourne would say it, I ‘don’t need no mental masturbation’. No, the goal here, as it always will be, is for me to just let what’s in my head out, for my entire mind to just… flow. In most cases I may have a basic thought in mind, and I would be able to enhance it by way of forcing myself to talk about it in more than the number of words I expect to use in explaining it. Usually during these times that I sort of push myself, other supplementary thoughts come up, and I do end up slightly more satisfied than I did before I started writing the first words.
In other cases, I wouldn’t have anything in mind but the desire to write to clarify would be strong, so anything that does come up as I go down the line of typing word after word, I would either remember what I would like to write about, or something apart from my memory would come up.
In this particular case, it’s really just me running on empty – or not really, just that I don’t just have anything in mind to share, but also don’t feel like it. It’s mostly the desire to stay consistent in my posting that’s keeping me going. Usually around this time I would share something most likely in the lines of what’s found in Lamentations chapter 3, but it’s not that I’m fighting to start (or finish) that way… It just doesn’t feel normal right now.
Or rather, it just doesn’t feel natural. It’ll feel like a cop-out for me to start talking about the love of God, because I know you know I know that I could keep going on and on and on about it. That’s actually another case, that I would write out of the sheer desire to exhort, my words representing my entire being in just doing nothing but celebrating the goodness of God, as seen through Christ and His finished work.
But the thing about it is, sure, it’s something to keep exposing myself to it by way of sharing through typing or just talking, but I’m channelling Miyamoto Musashi’s approach as described in the Book of Void, or maybe just how I understood it, anyway – after being filled with knowledge, and practicing to no end, stop and ‘forget’ anything and everything you’ve learned and practiced… jump into the void, and let anything and everything that comes out, just come out.
Don’t be surprised if what you’ve been learning, or what you’ve intentionally exposed yourself to before the void, is how you move and act within the void.
I guess that’s what we’re doing now – flowing, and just letting out what comes naturally. It’s pretty much in line with what I’ve been listening to, again, in the Naval podcast… You find out what you’re good at, and it’s usually technical and creative, but most of all, it’ll be what comes out of you that people would say you’re good at, but what to you is just play.
The longer I do this, the less obligated I feel to hit a thousand words… I know I could easily go beyond that because right now, quite frankly, I’m playing. I’m literally doodling but I’m using words as my strokes and my details.
Speaking of doodling, I’ve been doing a lot of that in college, and I’d like to imagine, even through the times I’ve been working, both in the office, and then when I worked at home. It’s something I used to do, and I guess, though I haven’t been actively drawing now (well, editing photos isn’t necessarily a close cousin to drawing with pen and paper), this is how I’ve been doodling – through Evernote. Projecting the random thoughts in my mind by way of words, instead of through random lines.
Did I accomplish anything out of this, more than what I intended to hit? Probably. I personally think it’s always good to type, same way we say it’s always good to have some breathing space. Sure, there may be more on my mind, but just to type in itself takes out a lot of weight in our minds.
We would to well to type, and to keep on typing.
Is this the only thing I think I’m ‘good’ at? How do I ask other people without asking them what I’m good at? Should I keep an eye out for who reaches out to me, to draw out why they reach out to me? Would understanding all this give me an idea on what problems I can solve in this world?
I don’t know, I could go down that line of checking who I’ve been interacting with, or I should just go out and interact with more people…
…Or I could just pray.
Yeah. There’s always that.
Just like yesterday, yeah?
Lord, bless my brothers and sisters in Ukraine. Keep everyone safe, and let Your love shine extraordinarily during these times, in these world events, down to the smallest thoughts in my mind. Bless every transaction I’ve started, every deal I’m involved in, and even those I’m reluctant to face. You are my strength and my soul.
Father, you know who’s in my mind, and I just pray that you be with everyone that’s taking space in my head today. Love them. Embrace them. Know that they aren’t alone, that You love them with an everlasting love, and give me peace of mind that You are taking care of them.
Bless us all. Teach us. Show us what You made us for. Lead us to learn more about what we do best. In Jesus’ name, amen.