May 3, 2019. 30 Days to Write, Day 3
A Human Moment
Tyler Durden and his blonde, handsome opponent squared off like the rest of the Fight Club would that night. The crowd was screaming, taking care not to say anything untoward against Tyler, more out of respect than from fear. It was fitting that they respected him – he was the reason they had Fight Club in the first place.
It was a little easier to find reasons to cheer in this particular fight – because while Tyler wasn’t being badmouthed, his opponent wasn’t too bad of a fighter either, and he was getting compliments.
However, not only did Tyler move to sway things back to how they used to be – He let loose, and struck some fear into everyone’s hearts. The dashing young man made a wrong move – His opponent took one confident swing too many, opening him up to a painful shot to the liver area.
The young man was lying down on his side, reeling in agony, when Tyler mounted him and started punching him in the face, once, twice, again, and again, and again.. the apparent loser was first tapping, then tried in vain to push against Tyler’s face, but he would not stop beating his fists down on his head… Tyler grabbed his hair, setting him up for more brutal punches to his already bloodied, mangled face… and then he stopped, in a daze, as if an inner entity was satisfied.
Later on, when asked why he kept punching the man while he was down and defeated, he said, ‘I wanted to destroy something beautiful’.
All that intro just to specify my mood. It’s way past my bedtime, and I just wanted to get some anger out of my chest. I could definitely go for some destruction right now. I don’t want to beat someone down, I just want to take my fists and have at anything that I can afford to destroy – I’ll punch on a mattress in place of a punching bag which I should bought a fucking long time ago, and I’ll keep on punching it until one of us is destroyed.
I’m angry. I’ve established a tenet in my personal philosophy, that power is peace in all circumstances… but I fear that any excess energy I have, defaults to anger. Anger at not getting anything done. And Andrew Farley was probably right in saying that I brought this upon myself, in the sense that I have established heightened expectations defining what ‘getting things done’ would mean. I’m killing myself by establishing unnecessary, subtle laws which dictate that I will only be happy when I get things done more and more.
And whether that ‘thing’ is something as grandiose as my first billion pesos or a full punch to a door, a wall, or whatever… it’s clear that until I get it done, the power of sin and flesh tries to tear me down with discontent – in what I’m already doing, and in what I already have.
This, too, shall pass. I am reminded at this time that there is a right time and place to let out energy – sexual, physical, mental, motivational energy will have its time.
Until then, yes, peace, who is Peace, a living Peace in me, the Prince of Peace Himself… He holds me, He holds it all together. Oh, how can we survive in this frenetic, wild world, without peace? How can we stand, much less walk, run, and fly… without the One who took the fall?
Even in these times, and especially in these times, I am brought back to the light, to the Life, who is Christ. Even in all I feel, He is with me through it all, and I am forever grateful.
Burn it all down, that all I would see is Christ.
Self-Improvement is masturbation. Self-Destruction may be the answer.-Tyler Durden