Non-Fatal Hara-Kiri

“Why Ed, does this mean we’re not friends anymore? You know Ed, if I thought you weren’t my friend… I just don’t think I could bear it.”

– Val Kilmer as Doc Holliday, Tombstone, 1993

I told a good friend once that if you have something bad in your hands, you shouldn’t complain about it… Rather, you should exploit it.

I find it quite amusing, those times when you would eventually apply a lesson that you provided to someone else in the past. See, ‘something bad’ that was in my hands was my own attitude over giving too much attention over what other people think in any situation. I’ve noticed that I’ve gone so far as to hurt even the people closest to my heart just because I was either afraid or assuming that people would say something. My mother. Pao. The rest of my family. They all got the brunt of the effects of this problem I have.

Most of the time my own assumptions would result to immature if not selfish but always offensive rebukes and side comments, They are unnecessary and also oftentimes inaccurate. Heck, even if they are accurate, Pao helps me out by reacting with a simple “Eh, ano ngayon?”

Much ado over nothing.

There you go. I’ve complained about it. Can I exploit it? I don’t know how.

I’ve always been saying that the only thing we have control over in this world is our own attitude and reaction to everything else. I seem to be losing control over this attitude, fearing the time I would be saying that line I opened this blog with to anyone in fear of a stain in my own self image. See, that’s what it is. I fear that I would offend anyone else because I don’t like anyone saying anything bad about me.

Have I ever talked about this before? If I have, I guess there hasn’t been a lot of progress.

Anyone who’s been a frontline agent in any call center knows that if they are at the end of their rope, they should escalate to the next level of support. Exploiting didn’t seem to work in this situation. I choose to escalate. I choose to surrender this to the Lord.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, the phrase “Patience is a choice” pops up. Perhaps this is not only advice for me, but for you as well. I don’t even know if I made any sense here, but I’m praying you get the point. Even now I’m resisting entertaining the thought that you may not like this blog.

I got something for that. God bless you. God direct your steps, and grant you favor. In Jesus’ name.

Have a blessed day ahead.

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