Let me tell you about yesterday. Usually I log all of these sorts of activities on a Google Sheet, but yesterday’s events and emotions, and consequent revelations need a celebratory, clarifying deep dive.
It all started decently enough. We were supposed to head out earlier in the morning. We were supposed to go to a medical center to have our blood extracted for testing. We planned on leaving the house at around 7:45am, to get there by 8am.
7:45am came, and we talked among ourselves – rescheduled our drive out, to after lunch. Mom went back to sleep, I went downstairs, played Rome: Total War, then went upstairs to work out. 50 Navy SEALs, 25 Burpees, 50 5-Pump Burpees, and a bath later, we got ready, and left the house.
I was fortunate enough to find a parking space close to the medical center, but unfortunately, when the receptionist found out that our last meal was more than 12 hours ago, they turned us back because apparently, that sort of ‘overfasting’ has its impact on the results.
It was on the drive between that parking space to the city’s premier Catholic cathedral (close to where Mom likes buying her organic vegetables) that I said that I was going to talk to the childhood friend who brought me to the sales job, about possibly transitioning from a commission job to a salaried job, closer to what I’m personally claiming are my true ‘set of skills’.
I was expecting Mom to take this as good news, but then she couldn’t help but pester remind me that I could definitely do other things in between – things ‘for myself’, which she mentioned again and again in the past were her ideas on keeping with the times: Developing Apps, even leveraging AI, and all that stuff. Now, I’d like to say that I’ve been pretty behaved in the past few times she told me these things, but, I’m thinking, she didn’t see my intention to pivot as good enough… So I decided to react instead of respond, telling her that I was working on it, and actually raising my voice to astounding, hostile in asking her, ‘haven’t I been telling you already?‘
And, in a rare act of pushing it further, she said, ‘ang tagal na eh!‘ – She called my bluff. I may have been ‘working on things’, but in her mind, I should have already had things already established.
That… disarmed me. I was hostile, but her rebuke silenced me. She was right. I should have had something by now. And now that I think about it, I should have had something when I had the capital to start things, and I really should have something now that it’s all gone.
I dropped her off at the Cathedral area. Was fortunate to find another parking space, but as soon as I walked towards the store I saw her already standing outside – a sign that they didn’t have a lot of stock to choose from. We drove out, fortunately not needing to pay for parking because we were there for such a short time.
As we approached the parking garage (close to the next establishment Mom likes to go to for, again, organic vegetables), I saw that there were no slots available. Standard procedure, then, for us, was to drop Mom off and circle until she’s done, or until a slot opened. Sure enough, the latter happened, and I found myself parking in the roofless top floor of the garage complex.
I then saw Mom having her blood pressure checked for free at a nearby pharmacy. 120/90. We thought, might as well have my own blood pressure checked. 120/80. At this time I insisted we made the most of the parking slot, considering there already was a fixed rate to pay… and we decided to have a late lunch.
After lunch, we parted ways. Mom decided to go to a local supermarket, while I took whatever bags we already had, to bring back to the car…
…And that’s where I saw that I left the headlights on. Soon as I loaded the bags, I tried starting the car… and I found myself in the same situation as around a week or so ago – unable to start the car in the same parking garage, only this time I was in the roofless top floor.
Popped the hood. Hit the battery terminals with a wrench. No go. Slid a slab of cardboard under the car in a poor attempt to stay dry. Went under, hit the starter (or the area close to it) with the same wrench. No go. Stayed in the car for a bit and… I dunno, I spaced out but I was continually on the phone, asking this friend and that group chat – who can help me get my car started? Is it the battery? Is it the starter? Where can I get the battery charged?
I got replies – there was a link to an auto shop that offers to come over to you to help, but no number to call them. There was another shop around 15 minutes of walking away, where I could get the battery charged. But it was close to 5pm, when both of them were closing.
With no other immediate solutions, I decided to run to Mom at the grocery, so we could try starting the car the same way we did the last time I was in this pickle – She would turn the ignition again and again as I whacked the starter area under the car. We tried after the rain settled down… but at this point it didn’t matter for me, because I was already wet all over from going under the car. No go.
After that failed attempt, we decided to go home – for me to make sure Mom was okay, for me to charge my phone, maybe change my clothes, and get things sorted out. 5pm kicked off the evening rush, and even with my Mom’s senior citizen powers, we were stuck in a long line waiting for taxis. Here’s where I decided to part ways with Mom, for her to wait for a taxi while I went to the jeepney line to try going home that way, thought it was faster.
It wasn’t. Line to get a jeepney ride was way longer. I estimated it would take at least 4 jeeps before I would get on.
It was during this time that I started thinking about stuff. First, I was one of two geniuses in the long line without an umbrella, and the rain intensity was ranging between a drizzle to just close to being intolerable. Second, the kid behind me had zero awareness of her surroundings, and the points of her open umbrella kept poking me…
…and, yeah, I found myself feeling as if I couldn’t get any lower. The days before, we were driving through the city area at around the same rush hour, and we were seeing all sorts of lines of people waiting for a ride… and here I was, soaking wet inside and out, thinking from my conversation with Mom – I have nothing to show for myself, and I can’t even take care of my own household.
Condemnation was ongoing, but, well, thanks to what I believe was counsel from the Holy Spirit, and now that I’m recalling everything… (1) I was going to make a promise to my Mom that I was going to be back on track, financially, by the end of this year, (1.5) which meant I really was going to push for that conversation with my childhood friend regarding a salaried job, which would get the gears going for other investment plans;
(2) I was going to get out of the jeepney line, run back to Mom and check if she was able to get a taxi, and (3) ultimately get the charging cord from my car, run to a nearby cafe owned by friends, and start sorting out how to get the car started and out of the garage soon as my phone is charged.
So I ran to Mom. She was still there but next in line. I told her my course of action, parted ways with her again. Soon as I got the cafe, I plugged in the phone, and talked to the church brother who owned the place.
Turns out, he had a doohickey that uses a power bank to, of all things, jump start a car. We waited for the power bank to charge, I charged my phone a little longer. Good old Pastor Poppo showed up, we discussed the situation, and came up with a plan: We’d try the power bank jump starter first, then if that didn’t work, we’d use a separate set of available jumper cables. And the worst case scenario is, if it was really ruled out that the battery wasn’t the problem, then I’d pay for overnight parking, and get someone out there to help me with it first thing in the morning.
Long story short, I didn’t have to go that far. Funny thing is that I needed light to set up the power bank jump starter, so I turned the cellphone flashlight on, and placed it on what I thought was a good area it could stand on… right before, clunk, clunk, clunk, it fell in the space between the radiator and the front grills. I wounded my hand trying to reach for it, no go.
So I set up the jump starter in the dark. Known instructions were to wait for the red and green lights to stop blinking, and when the green light stayed steady, the clips were ready to be placed on the battery terminals. Problem was, the lights kept blinking, even during that sudden phone mishap.
I was about to give up and head down to Pastor Poppo who was waiting before the entrance of the pay parking space. As I took the elevator all the way down to the ground level a thought came into my mind, why don’t I try the jump starter anyway.
I took the elevator back to the 4th floor, and there’s where I found out, it was only when the alligator clips were installed that the green light would go steady. Genius.
And, right. The car started. I kept it on so the battery would charge. With the engine on, and everything unlocked (I was the only one left on the top floor), I ran down and told Pastor Poppo that we were golden. Told him I’d keep the jump starter just in case.
Why did I go through the time to write all of this down? It’s more for myself, really. I wanted everything clarified.
Sure, this is yet another testimony of the overall goodness of God, eventually seen from a high-enough perspective, and eventually overlapping any and all clear and present tension felt in the span of at least 4 hours (I paid 125php, which I believe is broken down to 50 for the first hour, and 25 for every subsequent hour)…
But I believe I had to go through yesterday in its entirety to… well, really, just get my whole stinking life back.
One thing I didn’t mention came to mind as I was in the jeepney line was, man – it’s been 15 years since Dad died… and, as I’m looking at an old photo of him here on my desk – I, again, have nothing to show for myself.
What am I doing about it? Well, here, I’m writing about it. Stepping back into the flow of learning, unlearning, and relearning by way of writing. Clarifying the body as much as the mind by way of working out – not with the shallow motivation of losing weight, but from the awe and gratitude that at this age, I’m actually able to still do this amount of stupid burpees.
Stepping up by way of following up with my childhood friend – and after this, I’m probably going to go ahead and start looking for other temporary financial sources, closer to the conventional trade of time for money… if only to save up for more flexible income streams.
And, mind you, this time I’d like to think I’m a little more vigilant, considering all the times I’ve been scammed in the past.
Feels like it all boils down to this:
6 As you therefore have received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him, 7 rooted and built up in Him and established in the faith, as you have been taught, abounding in it with thanksgiving.
Colossians 2:6-7
…and, as of late, this:
12 Therefore, brethren, we are debtors—not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh. 13 For if you live according to the flesh you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live.Romans 8:12-13
I’ve long been reminded of Paul Ellis writing about that last verse, and the way I see it now, living in the Spirit has us doing the following, on top of putting to death the deeds of the body: Walking in Christ, rooted and built up in Him and established in the faith, and abounding in faith with thanksgiving.
Surely as we keep saying we submit to God FIRST, and simultaneously resist the devil, so we live by the Spirit and live (rooted in Christ), simultaneously putting to death the deeds of the body.
There’s a call for me to do this, especially now, to get back on track, not only for myself but for my household, my family, my ministry, my future wife and kids.
And there it is. Focus on the Word, live from the Word – for the will of God to be done, for the unity of His body, for the expansion of His kingdom, and for the utmost glory of His name.
Miss you, Dad.
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