In Darkness – October 13, 2023 (253/365) – JB's Personal Brain Defragmenter

But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified.

1 Corinthians 9:27

I’m not about to let the lessons of the recent days fade away… as a great price was paid in order for me to see and finally face what I call some of my deepest struggles – My personal preference of prioritizing myself and my comfort over everything else I call precious to me; or, as it’s turning out, not everyTHING but everyONE else I call precious to me.

In the process of pinpointing the roots of what I’m calling a deep-seated issue of mine (how deep? Perhaps… as deep as the years I’ve existed in this reality), I’ve been taking more time recently in prayer and worship, just as in the old days, when my mind was.. simpler. Things were way less complicated back then. I’ve been doing a lot of walking, worshipping, and also some writing here and there. About writing, I’m not sure if this is the right time for me to take a look at and work on Obsidian, but through my walking I’m remembering that I do need to write. I do need to put all of these thoughts down somewhere.

I’m realizing that the way of the world really is, as we always say or hear, every man for himself. Place anything and everything, though recklessly or intentionally, in its place in our personal order and hierarchy of things, but we’re naturally inclined to make ourselves number One. We do what we do for ourselves and for our comfort and for our gain – what else can we think, right?

I could easily look at all this and excuse myself by saying, hey, I’m no better than any other man, woman and child that has walked this earth. I’m no martyr that’s about to go ahead and live for others – and I’m realizing, when it comes to loving a partner, I’m certainly still looking out for number One. All that talk of me wanting a partner to ‘overflow’ the love that God has for me? Well, let’s just say that I’ve been feeling a little less enthusiastic than I assumed I’d be.

I have failed someone… but in my failing, here I am, praying, praising, worshipping. Looking for reasons to be thankful, and making those thoughts saturate my mind, more than the condemnation that the world has to dump on me. Of course, it’s not as if I don’t feel any pain – the pain is great! But here – because we have a mindset that is more thankful than anything else, brought upon us not by our own programming but by the power of the Holy Spirit alive in us, we’re looking more towards the lesson than anything else that the world would want us to think.

Hence, all the writing. All the worship. All the walking. All the seeking. I won’t lie, there’s been distractions, and I have been distracted – by all that the world throws at each and every human being with access to technology in this day and age. But even in the presence of all these things that try to kick me while I’m down, I am thankful – because it’s the provocation to seek, the desire for wisdom, the thirst for God’s intervention and clear revelation during these times, all of this prevails over anything that the world has to offer.

It’s as Don Moen leads us to sing: We shall follow Him. This world means nothing for us.

You’ve still chosen to read up to this point, through all that drivel. Well, all I could say, is that it’s high time for reconfiguration.

For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.

Ephesians 3:14-19

Reconfiguration in what sense, you might ask? Well I’ll just say, in my failure to love, may this bring me more to realizing the breadth, length, height and depth – No, let this throw me deeper into the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge… and in the process, may I be filled with all the fullness of God.

It’s funny. I just remembered how our church was so adamant, in this last anniversary celebration of ours, to push for us to seek God’s Kingdom. Unfortunately, more emphasis was placed on ‘all things shall be added unto you’, and what that meant. You can bet that finances and miraculous physical healing were mentioned. I’ll say for the nth time that to yearn for these things is not an issue, but it’s our focusing and believing in these things, apparently more than the Bread of Life and the God of Healing; It’s our believing in the blessings more than the SOURCE of the blessings that gets to me.

I suppose we need to repent… and I think it starts with me. Or rather, it’s probably already started. With my recent failure to love… Oh, indeed, this IS what I want: For me to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, and in so doing, I would be FILLED with all the fullness of God.

Let them interpret what the Kingdom of God is. I think I have my answer. Oh, through all this pain, I am thankful – I have been shown a more excellent way! No need for us to go through all sorts of theological hoops – may we come to know (that is, to accept and to believe) the love of Christ!

The end of the matter; all has been heard. Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man.

Ecclesiastes 12:13