October 03, 2023: Started the day, unfortunately, with binge-playing Jagged Alliance 3 again… but I eventually made my way upstairs after doing some stretching and shadow boxing here in the office. Cousin Alex came by and began installing the shower water heater. Up in the office I worked out the legs, as directed. Oh, before I started doing the lifting I received a message, a reminder that we were going to continue with our strategic planning meeting for the school I serve in, later after lunch. I was tempted to make cuts in my workout routine, but I told the messenger that I was going to be late. With that notification I proceeded to do 4 sets per exercise, with a minimum of 2 reps per set, with challenging weights. I actually added weights, taking some plates that I used to weigh down the punching bag. I’m pretty sure it’ll still hold without the weights I removed.
Considering that cousin Alex was still working on the shower when I was done, I decided to just go commando (unbathed and unwashed heathen!), dress up and head out to church. I was thirty minutes late but it seemed like I didn’t really miss much – That is, they started without me on SWOT (Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threats) Analysis for the school, for us to have some sort of idea as to where we could go and what we should be doing. Being on the planning side of things gave me a little more free reign to be brutal, and when I thought they were hasty in saying what were strengths, and what weren’t weaknesses, I was sure to let them know what was on my mind. There’s a difference between real strengths and things that you’re expected to do: Whether as a school, a pastor, a partner, etc.
Eventually, we stumbled upon a very interesting question – that is, where is the Grace of God in the quadrants? I was quick to let them know, ready to insist that it was a strength, even if they began talking about how the effects of the said Gospel in this reality worked against them. Apparently, in competitions that were comprised of judges who were predominantly of the legalistic inclination, acting out the unbreakable salvation we have in Christ has its consequences. In one singing competition we were disqualified only because the contestants were snapping their fingers to a beat. Yet another time I recall our Pastor John was told to leave the premises because he sported long hair, a beard and tattoos. So I could tell that they were inclined to call the Grace of God a threat… until, by the same grace of God, I proposed – that the grace of God, that Christ HIMSELF is our Strength, Weakness, Opportunity, and Threat. Yes, He’s ALL of them.
Christ is our Strength in that we move in freedom. Christ is our Weakness in that we are still being transformed by the renewing of our mind. Christ is our Opportunity in that, despite our realizing His absolute freedom and also the progressive renewal, we testify to His goodness. And Christ is our Threat, in that the world hates Him – the Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness does not comprehend Him.
In our realizing this I also shared that, well, Christ being our SWOT further proves how His salvation is a relationship with its ups and downs, more than a relationship to maintain with rituals. And if His salvation comes in the form of relationship, the other side of the coin holds true: Our relationship with Him is our Salvation.
But here’s where I’m struggling right now – since last night, up until this afternoon. I talk a big deal about how God’s perfect love casts out all fear… but it seems as if one interpretation of fear that I’m experiencing these days comes in the form of just wanting to stay comfortable, and wanting to stay away from risks. Fear masquerades as comfort. The question I’m asking myself is, am I willing to take the risks, and trusting everyone who is involved – even if they specifically express that they have my best interests in mind? What am I losing – If, indeed, I’m losing anything? What am I gaining – if, indeed, I’m gaining anything?
And what’s even more intimidating is that a choice has to be made, without the luxury of time for consideration.
But even now, as I’m putting all of this together… I suppose I can have some degree of peace, even in the escalated turmoil that I bring myself into – because, see, even as I’m evaluating the pros and cons, or as I’m trying to figure out what’s coming from the inside or what factors from the outside are making impact; In my overthinking, and in this paralysis of analysis, I am thankful, because, again, Christ is not only my Good Shepherd, not only my King of Kings and Lord of Lords… and not only is He the Ledger that validates anything and everything that goes in and through me (as we discussed yesterday), so He is, again, at this moment, My Strength, My Weakness, My Opportunity, My Threat. With me in the planning just as much as He is with me in the execution, and in all the benefits, and in all the consequences.
I still don’t have anything to say in response to something I’m pretty sure someone is waiting on, but, oh, I could just say right now, more than any time that comes to memory, I’m calling out to the One who saved me by reconciling me, and the One who reconciled me by saving me.
Hear, O LORD, when I cry aloud; be gracious to me and answer me!
You have said, “Seek my face.”
My heart says to you, “Your face, LORD, do I seek.”
Hide not your face from me.
Turn not your servant away in anger, O you who have been my help.
Cast me not off; forsake me not,
O God of my salvation!
Psalms 27:7-9
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