Fair warning: I don’t make sense in this one.
Blockage. Like I know what I should be doing but for some reason I’m holding out. I know I start the week right, or rather, I’m pretty diligent when it comes to Mondays, where I like to do things just to set the mood for the rest of the week. Today was different. There was, as I said, blockage.
And as the Tears for Fears song goes, it’s my own design, and apparently, I see how it’s also my remorse. This is how I see Paul struggling in Romans 7, where he says that he knows what he has to do, but he doesn’t do it, and on the flip side he also has the courage to share that he knows what he isn’t supposed to do, an he still insists on doing it. For all his knowledge of the gospel of grace, for all his mental wanderings in and around the sheer wonder of Christ and His finished work, he shares, to the Romans of all people, that he still has his struggles.
I held off on writing last night for this very reason. The struggles are coming on, and the reason why they are so strong as to cause blockage, and to be literal blockades to the flow, are because I’m the one providing the power, I’m the one supplying their sustenance – I’m entertaining the struggles with more than they deserve. It’s sort of like when we talk about which wolf to feed, when we talk about focus – apparently I’m feeding the wrong wolf.
And yet I know, I know that even during these times, Christ is with me. Christ is Life, indeed, and He continues to be the Life in me, as close to me as He will ever be – He paid such a great price for Him – no, for US – to be as close as we could ever be with each other, never fluctuating, lest something greater than His death and resurrection exists (spoiler alert: No such ‘thing’ exists, especially not in this finite reality). He knows I could easily call out for rescue, just as Paul says that Christ came to His rescue from this ‘body of death’. But what I appreciate more than anything else is that He is just with me, right here, right now.
Indeed, it is as I am always led to say – The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, and His mercies never come to an end. I’ve seen this truth even in the presence of great adversary, and I’ve delighted in this truth during the high times. But it also holds true, right here, right now, even in the midst of things going on that are dragging me down – in fact, I don’t necessarily see these struggles from a negative point of view. I don’t believe I’ve been desensitized, but I think it’s more of just me looking at all of it from a perspective more grounded in eternity and infinity, as I am in Christ and He is in me. It’s not negative, but it certainly is new, and I just find it, among other things, thrilling.
Now if you’re reading so far, obviously you’ve had to endure all of these words coming out of my head, and I just want to thank you. I’m not trying to reach out for help or anything, but I think it’s just important, not only for me to keep my quota for a thousand words per day no matter what, but also for me to somehow record what’s going on in my mind and body even in the presence of all I’m going through right now. I know I may not be making a lot of sense, but it does help me to write all this, and I do appreciate you tagging along by way of reading this far.
Actually, if you are making it this far, and if you’re going through something yourself, something that you couldn’t gather yourself to discuss on a public blog, then be at peace. You have Jesus Christ, who is the prince of Peace, and not only does He GIVE peace – no, we call Him the Prince of Peace because He HIMSELF is the peace in our hearts and our minds, the rest we run to when the world and all of this reality drains us of energy in every aspect. It doesn’t necessarily sound appropriate to say ‘Rest In Peace’, but that’s exactly what I mean, and obviously your physical body doesn’t have to pass away before I wish it upon you.
We rest in peace, because Christ is our rest, and Christ is our peace. I’d be freaking out more than anything else, writing a whole lot more incoherent if I’m even able to write at all, had it not been for Christ being my literal rest. I’d be giving in to overthinking if Christ was not present to be my peace. It’s nice, because through Christ’s finished work we have the Holy Spirit consistently reminding us that we are righteous, and enjoying God’s unwavering presence in our lives even during these times.
We may have blockage, but the truth is, if we step back just enough, we’d see just how much bigger our God is, far bigger than any blockage there is.
I was imagining since yesterday, how as we enjoy the flow, there may be the possibility of other streams making their way to muddy the main flow, or to corrupt the quality of the flow. While this is a more subtle way of sabotaging the flow that we all enjoy in Christ, apparently, I didn’t take into account how there are also literal blockages that happen. But see, here’s the thing. No matter what form of sabotage there is, the flow will always be stronger. When we understand that we are enjoying an EVERLASTING love, we’re basking in INFINITE righteousness leading to ETERNAL life, we see how in the end, it’s the flow that overwhelms any insidious streams that may corrupt, and it’s the flow that overcomes any blockages that may, well, block.
I know that I should be playing catch up, and I should have another thousand words here, but I’ll leave this for now. I am hopeful that we will move from glory to glory, brighter and brighter unto the glorious day.
May God bless us all.