Care Bear, Bear Care

That has got to be one of the snappiest titles I’ve had in the longest time. I apologize in advance.

The ice has broken.

Current thoughts have me wanting to believe that one major problem I’ve had for the longest time is not caring. If I cared more about, say, my previous relationships, then I would have shown it. Or, vice versa. If I don’t show care, then that means that I care less, if I even care at all.

If I cared more about my job, then we would have avoided inconveniencing my boss to such a degree that had us questioning our immediate future, and contemplating how to adjust in case we lost our jobs. If I cared more about my photography, then I probably would have had more likes and subscribes.

My current worldview would have me looking at sex, relationships, career, finances and landscape pictures as second-place, compared to whose glory is found in all these things and in all things, none other than Jesus Christ. But this begs the question; should knowing that Christ cares for me be the catalyst and power behind my caring for others?

Right now I would say ‘yes’ to that, and if I ought to be doing any work, it’s to labor into entering the full realization of how Christ cares for me. And obviously, it is during these times that it absolutely helps to have some choice verses as a reference to that.

But, of course, it is definitely true that I am so lovingly cared for by God, even if I don’t understand it, and especially when I don’t feel it. With that said, the words from the Bible would be fine additions to how to understand how Christ cares for anyone and for me. However, knowing that it’s true no matter what has me wondering right now – how does the living Word do it in my life, in particular?

Well, another thought that’s trying to make its way into my being is that I’ve dropped the ball yet again on a relationship, and all I have to show for it now is something I’ve ‘had’ far before the first relationship I’ve ever had, and that is porn.

In Dwight Schrute’s words, ‘false’. That’s been around since my early teens, possibly even earlier… but since the thought of my being came into existence, and even before that, what’s been around and what will ALWAYS be around is God’s grace, love, mercy, faithfulness, and CARE for me. So porn may have had an earlier shot, but by Christ, I’ve had God, I have Him now, and He has me, now and forever.

What strikes me now is, again, how deep, how wide, how long, and how high God’s love actually is for me. He cares for me in the sense that though He knows what’s best for me, He understands where I come from, reading between the lines of the words I speak, hearing the emotions behind each and every groan of frustration, and each and every sigh of relief. I appreciate the general truth that He knows all this about me in the present, down to the exact number of hairs on my well-haired head at any given moment…

…Is this helping now? Probably so. I don’t feel it, but I am certain that I’m off to a good start.

Show me more, Lord. I know You care that much to keep me in peace beyond human understanding… but for the life of me, I can’t understand why I have trouble showing care to anyone else… enough to maintain a relationship. Enough to really work on what I tell myself to work on. I can’t understand how I can have peace in nothing, but lack the power to do anything.

By Your grace, tutor me. Teach me. Please. The ice has broken, and the water remains. I’m as still as a lake in the early hours of the morning, but something within demands that I rage like a river.

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