Separation. Anxiety?

I’ve never really known the blessings associated to the actual blessing of having a relationship, besides those made obvious through what we see broadcasted over TV commercials, series, blogs, and those not-so-inconspicuous corners in all the famous nightspots. I guess it was a whole lot better that way.

I mean, I’ve mentioned earlier that God took me by surprise by bringing Pao into my life. That event alone has made me love the Lord even more, but I was pretty concerned that I would love God less and her more. God took me by surprise once again, in a nightspot, of all places. We were talking about our lives, and I was not necessarily opening about my relationship with God at the time, but there was this one instance when she mentioned the words, ‘When I became a Christian…’

It was hard to keep a straight face while my heart rejoiced… I was pretty thankful that I could hold her hand a bit tighter at least. I opened that conversation up with her more at a different time, and though anyone else can interpret it any other way, I strongly believed that God prepared her ever since. I’ll talk about that some other time. Anyway, after all that discussion, we declared that we would honor Him and love Him before our love for each other, or anything else.

And that actually helps us a lot. It helps me a lot. I mean, it’s pretty easy to be overwhelmed if you allow your mind to picture all the possibilities, to imagine everything that could happen to the one you love when you aren’t around to be with him/her. My hat goes off to those people who keep their calm while all sorts of speculations arise.

When I was in the States, a good amount of time was spent fretting about Pao’s safety, among other things. Also, during the times we would talk through chat or over the phone, she would mention certain people talking to her, and I would just be filled with paranoid and cynical thoughts. She would tell me that she would be going out, and I would suddenly sound like a stereotype dad, seeking to sate his overprotective doubts. The thought that anything could happen drove me crazy.

It’s easy for me to have faith in Pao’s abilities and her love for me. However, I still have to remember that we are both human… This doesn’t mean that I do not recognize her efforts – rather, I acknowledge that there are things that I simply cannot control, and when times like this come, I should rely on an entity, THE entity that has absolute control – The Lord God. I’ve quoted this verse before, but I believe that it really applies here too:

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Philippians 4:6-7

I wouldn’t have more faith in God had it not been for this relationship. I suppose that’s another reason why I found Pao just now… I’ve prayed for her, I’m still praying, and I just have to say that I really am in peace… I thank the Lord for His perfect timing. May He bless you in this aspect as well…

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