I used to be proud of hating people. It got me attention, the attention I thought I wanted.
However, God is just so good, He remained faithful to me through all of these years of unnecessary bouts of cynicism, sarcasm, and insults that I mistook for wit and intelligence. I thought that the most painful shots in a verbal spite were the quickest shots, but it also turned out to be one of the cheapest shots to take. Sure, it got me attention. And I loved it, so much that it took me so far away from God.
I used to be proud of going against the flow. It got me attention, the attention I thought I wanted.
I actually went against the flow to go with the flow that I thought I wanted to be in. This flow I speak of actually varied depending on where I was at the most frequently at one time. Inconsistent as one flow may be with the other, one thing remained definite; I brought the hate and the anger wherever I went. However, God is just so good, that He remained faithful to me through all this time, showing me what to pick up and what to leave behind, allowing me to go through these flows and survive.
I used to be proud.
It takes a painful misunderstanding to ensure a deeper understanding.
I’ve had my own share of quarrels with people, including my father. One a few hours ago got to me so much, and I took the best option any one of us should take at these times – To seek the Lord’s Kingdom before anything else. To run to God before I depend on fallible human reasoning, the latter option leading to a possibly reasonable but ultimately flawed or incomplete solution.
Seek and you shall find. Keep that in mind for now.
I was reading a book entitled ‘Violent Prayer’ by Chris Tiegreen. I haven’t gone through that book that far, but I’ve already learned so much from it. Like it or not, we are all at war against an enemy who seeks only to steal, kill and destroy (John 10:10), and praying in the name of Jesus Christ is a direct line to our Heavenly Commander in Chief, who came that we may have life, and that we have it in full (also from the same verse). I add ‘in the name of Jesus Christ’ because that’s what the Bible says in John 14:6.
I’ve had trouble with knowing what to pray for, but apparently all I had to keep in mind was in the Bible too. As the disciples asked Jesus how to pray, one of the first lines He mentioned in the famous Lord’s Prayer is ‘Thy Will be done on earth as it is in Heaven.‘
Apparently, I… ‘found’ what I sought for before I found the need to seek what I had to have in my life. I decided to proclaim this as I walked outside… The sun had set, darkness was coming in, but it was still bright enough to walk around the nearby park. I declared that God’s will be done in my life as it is done in Heaven. I declared that God’s will be done in my father’s life, in our family’s life, in all of my relationships (including my beautiful relationship with Pao which I praise and thank God for every day), as it is done in Heaven. This meant that any hatred, and insecurity, and pride, ANYTHING which is not within God’s will had not right to be in my life. It has no right to be in my father’s life. It has no right to be anywhere near my family, nor does it have any authority over me and Pao.
I’ve sought, and I have found. I cannot love if there is hate left in my heart, and it will only leave in the name of Jesus Christ, who has given us ‘authority… to overcome the power of the enemy.‘ (Luke 10:19). By faith, I stand upon God’s promises, stated by His Word which never returns to Him void (Isaiah 55:11). By faith, I continue to live within God’s sufficient grace, and His strength is indeed being made perfect in my weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9).
After this quarrel (which I’m not proud of at all), I decided to talk about it with him a good few minutes after. It ended something like this:
ME:”I just wanted to say… That I’m gonna be a better son for you.”
He couldn’t have said it in a more challenging way. I am weak, but I wait on the Lord that my strength would be renewed. (Isaiah 40:31)
Now I can come to him this Father’s Day, and tell him that I love him for real. God is just so good. May He be praised forever and ever.
And may God bless you too…