A Lesson In Consistency

I am the product of years of living in fear of rejection, humiliation, and ridicule.

I disregard appreciation, and focus on my mistakes. This results in me becoming too uptight. I spend too much time analyzing a situation just to feel confident in doing what has to be done. When I am goaded to do anything without being fully ‘confident’ about the matter, I become tense and I tend to lose control. Three things can happen from here: (1) I do the job and feel better later. (2) I back off on doing it and fail. (3) I lose control and fail in doing it.

I hold off on appreciation because it may come off as sarcasm. I find it easier to find the flaws in people, and call it ‘constructive feedback.’

I don’t think it’s that I think too much, it’s that I think of the wrong things.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.”

– Philippians 4:6-9

I don’t blame my past for my present, and I don’t plan on getting bitter… I am not the product of years of living in fear of rejection, humiliation, and ridicule. No, I am a product of the wrong decisions, of sin; sins of the past, sins of my past. We all are.

It’s just so beautiful to think that the God has been with me through all this sin. He could have ended it all for me and cast me to the flames a long time ago, along with the whole lot of us, but instead He still chose to love me – and all of us – by sending His sinless, perfect, Son to live among us. He was sent ultimately to die as a sacrifice for our sins, to be raised from the dead to cleanse us of the filth of sin that we may have eternal life.

I can place my hope in nothing else but God, through His Son Jesus Christ of Nazareth, the Way, the Truth, and the Life. I must admit that without God, life would have been so miserable., so utterly hopeless… May He be praised in my imperfections.

I know I’ve been mentioning these things before. Perhaps the reason why i lack the drive to blog, the desire to think and write more, is because more walking is needed now… because the talking was already done. I don’t know.

God has my future.. Let’s see what else is going to happen.

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