“I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self.”
- Aristotle
I spent this entire week with additional impulse – does that make sense? I mean, I ate whatever I wanted whenever I wanted, I did whatever I wanted whenever I wanted – well, more, anyway. Halfway through the week I stopped updating my Excel activity log, and went as all-out as I could in ‘relaxing’.
Or, well, was it relaxing? No. I suppose it all started when I started feeling my eyes strained, feeling lightheaded, and having a slight discomfort here in the back of my neck, on the left side going up to my head. My mind started entertaining all sorts of conspiracy theories – from this possibly being rabies I contracted when our indoor cat clawed me deep enough to draw blood, to a possible stroke incoming, and so on. Just recently another younger sister told me that it could just be possible that this is coming from me (1) lacking sleep and/or (2) stressing and overthinking these said conspiracy theories.
Right, I WAS lacking sleep. When I said I did whatever I wanted that also included overplaying to past midnight, which is already WAY past what I thought was my regular sleeping schedule. It wasn’t helping that during breaks in between these bouts of playing Shogun 2, I opted to snack instead of doing a quick workout, as I usually do.
Was it ‘relaxing’? Hardly. Apparently you can do nothing and still not get any rest. You can do nothing and still get tired.
Another thought that was going through my head, to sort of justify this weeks poor performance – I’m ‘transitioning’: First, transitioning from May to June, engaging in all sorts of lewdness and laziness, telling myself that I’ll just do better next week, and next month.
Second, there’s ‘transitioning’ in the sense that I’m starting a new job next week, and I’m ‘preparing’ by way of getting junk out of the way so I’m on the straight and narrow when I clock in for the first time in a very long time, starting Tuesday early morning.
I’m not feeling so relaxed, in fact, I’m feeling more restless than before.
I’m not feeling so ‘transitioned’ – in fact, there’s so much more to do.
It’s Saturday today. On my usual schedule this is supposed to be my rest and reset day, but I’m turning things around. I acknowledge everything I’m feeling in my head and my body, and I’m telling myself to get a check-up next week. I’ve started working out again – Just finished 60 3-pump burpees, with each burpee chased with a squat… and then a quick 500-step walk after that… and now, after that, I’m typing this.
Obviously, not expecting to hit 1000 words here and now. I’m going to build on this as I continue to rebuild.
And speaking of rebuilding, I’m sharing this from my dear Pastor Joedy, who sent this just minutes earlier:
Growing in Grace 2025
” The Best is yet to come “
*Read Ezra 3:8-13 for meditation
When the Jewish exiles returned to their homeland, they were tasked to rebuild the destroyed Temple of God,
This was significant because the temple is connected to their National Identity, and the laws of God dictated all aspects of their life,
So when the builders under the leadership of Zerubabbel , priests and leaders brought out the foundation, the people shouted for joy !
But the priests and the ancient men who saw the precious temple of Solomon wept bitterly because they were comparing the new to the former,
Yes, Solomon’s temple was glorious BUT something greater, more glorious is coming, JESUS, the temple of God, which shall be destroyed BUT raised again in 3 days, this is the Death and Resurrection of Jesus !!!!
And the Knowledge of the Glory of the Lord, Jesus shall fill not only Israel but the whole world !!!
Indeed, Jesus is my greater Glory, from whom I demolish (unlearn), build (learn), and improve (relearn).
It is 12:34PM. I’ll be right back.
There’s one small thing that got me back to moving and writing again today, versus yielding to the urges that have grown stronger as I’ve entertained them more and more through this week – that is, just the fact that I stunk. I mean, imagine the smell of burning clutch lining and/or fresh asphalt, and make it more ‘organic’, if that makes any sense. Now that I’ve let out a bit of sweat, I’m immediately smelling better.
I just finished 10 minutes of shadow boxing, followed by a quick walk to hit a total of 4000 steps today, so far. While I was walking, I was reminded of how our working out – and I dare say, our writing – is more than us letting out all the junk in our body and our brains, and it’s so much more than just for weight loss and peace of mind: Lest I forget, these exploits of exercising our body and brain are actually celebrations of what we were given: Salvation by way of being made new creations, holy and righteous, right-standing before God.
Right, that turned plenty theological really quickly, but let me explain or rephrase so that my future self doesn’t hate me for being overly dramatic and too eloquent pretentious with my words – We don’t work out or write to get something, but we do these things because we already have something. In the case of exercise, I suppose we can reframe our minds to lean more towards operating out of thankfulness and gratefulness – that is, we are thankful that we woke up today, and we woke up with arms and legs, functioning internals… therefore, we exercise.
We are thankful that we have peace beyond understanding, we have Christ with us, never leaving nor forsaking us, always for us and never against us; Yes, we have a new heart of flesh, we have the mind of Christ… therefore, we write.
We rephrase what we once agreed with Rene Descartes on; No longer do we say ‘we think, therefore we are’ – no, ‘Christ is, therefore we are’, or ‘Christ is, therefore we think’.
What’s happening here compared to the past days is a celebration of Christ, a holistic festival of thankfulness for what really matters. It’s me laboring to enter His rest, which is far different, infinitely superior to the ‘relaxation’ the world insists on, that we force ourselves into.
Couldn’t help but just share, from the depths of my mind as much as it is so much on the more shallow sides:
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases,
His mercies never come to an end;
They are new every morning, new every morning,
Great is thy faithfulness, o Lord! Great is thy faithfulness!
It is 1:10PM. I’ll be right back.
Something else in my mind. I’m seeing that our own efforts to fill in the void that rejection inflicted upon us – are ultimately efforts in vain… and that’s the best case scenario. What we do to interact with other people, and the stress and anxiety, the frustration that ensues actually makes some of it counterproductive. This is the case if we find ourselves looking for other ways to charge our social battery without going to the One who can definitely help us with what we really need, beyond what we insist we want.
Now if NONE of that previous set of sentences made any sense, I’ll just say that I’m seeing some reason as to why Christ chose to say ‘Apart from Me, you can do nothing’, in John 15:5. I mean, I once complained that some of our worship songs centered upon how we can do nothing or are nothing without God and/or Christ, simply because it’s placing emphasis on something that I thought would never happen – because, I implied, nothing can ever separate us from the love of God, so even if you try, well, He’s going to be with you. Always.
Somehow I felt in these past days that I was pretty… well, Godless. And, indeed, all my attempts to do nothing in the name of rest actually left more more tired, more sick, more stressed, and I ended up with worse than nothing. In hindsight, yes, I could say that the Lord was faithfully with me through all of it, but I guess all I’m trying to say here is that I’ve learned again, as in the nth time, that everything we do has its consequences.
Usually I’d say one before the other: Everything we do has its consequences, but we thank God for His faithfulness.
Now, I’m saying, we’re thanking God for His faithfulness, but everything we do still has its consequences.
Does any of this make any sense? I mean, if not, well, it’s a note for me, as it is for the rest of you who are reading (thank you, by the way):
Trust in the Lord!
It’s 2:20PM. I just finished another 10 minutes of shadow boxing, caught up with my activity log for this week, and walked to hit 7000 steps.
I’ll be right back.
Trust in the Lord. Plug back in. Plug out of the Matrix and… well, actually realize that you’ve been plugged into the eternal and the infinite this entire time. Get back to your defaults and get back to growing and thriving.
I’m not going to lie, I’m still feeling all sorts of different things in my head right now, and my body feels like it’s malfunctioning little by little, but I’ve been sweating, and I’ve been thinking – perhaps all of this is the gunk and the junk in my body and brain just struggling to get out.
And, through it all, we have a God who loves us and is here for us, never leaving us nor forsaking us.
Trust in the Lord, I say, trust in Him. Be thankful for His faithfulness and His absolute love and mercy for us amidst the uncertainty, anxiety and fear.
Know that even during these times, our Creator is for us, and He is not against us. He is causing all of this to work for the good of those who love Him, and we therefore have a solid basis for the peace that we feel.
This peace is one that is not merely mental, but complete – it’s a complete peace, ministering to my mind, body, soul, and spirit, reminding me that God is making all things new.
Trust in the Lord, and forget not all His benefits.
Be thankful for the liberty by which Christ has set us free.
Yes, I am thankful for health, for healing; I am thankful for the One who makes all things new, surely He makes me whole.
I am thankful for His being with me, even through all this time that I’ve been slacking and making an absolute sluggard of myself.
I am thankful for His love shown in all who I interact with; Oh, may the Lord continue to bless all of them.
Praise the Father, praise the Son,
Praise the Spirit, three in one;
God of glory, majesty,
Praise forever to the King of Kings!
Update: I finished 50 more 3-pump burpees chased with a squat, also did another session of shadow boxing, only this time it lasted for 15 minutes. Had to pause in between because Mom wanted biryani; I ordered and waited for it. Not so sure if I’m going to keep fasting today, may just go ahead and fast tomorrow instead. After the shadow boxing was done I was pleasantly surprised to see that I hit 10k steps.
Pretty sure I’m going to do some light walking after my meal. For now, though, I’m processing the video of today’s workouts, and as soon as that’s done I’ll be uploading it to YouTube. Then, a bath, then lunch, then that walk.
It’s 4:10pm. Not sure if I’ll be back, I’ll go ahead and make a new post if ever.
Thankful to the Lord for progression. For being able to rebound in His love.
Until the next post, may the Lord continue to bless us all.
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JB's Personal Brain Defragmenter 
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