scandisk – March 13, 2025 (131/365)

Thursday the 13th. Going hard on myself today, because I took it easy.

Psalm 13

How Long, O LORD?

TO THE CHOIRMASTER. A PSALM OF DAVID.

1 How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?

2 How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day? How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?

I understand that one of the fruits of the Holy Spirit is patience, and surely, it’s a pleasure, even up until these moments, for us to say that we are patient. That is, in waiting on the LORD, in waiting FOR the Lord, we are patient – by the power of the Holy Spirit, I agree, we are patient.

However, even now, as I am in the body of Christ, fully redeemed by His finished work, and fully reconciled to God, so much so that I can call Him my LORD AND my Father… Even now, even with the Holy Spirit, I do join the Psalmist in crying out, I join in the words of David here, crying out – How long, Father? For it feels like I am forgotten; It feels like Your face is hidden from me.

I know I tell my congregation that our feelings do not define our faith, nor is it an indicator of our relationship, our right standing with our Father… But, I suppose I’m allowing myself to be vulnerable here, letting all that’s weighing down on me cause a crack here and there in my composure – and I’m crying out: How long, Father, until I find myself enjoying my existence, and actually enjoying this reality again? How long, if ever, until I see with my senses, how You give me counsel apart from my soul, and until I take in Your joy in the shallower areas of my heart?

How long, Father, do I have to look upon the advantage or the upper ground of those who claim to be my enemies? How long shall they get all the credit and recognition?

Father, I understand it’s foolish for me to cry out to you like this… But I suppose I have to thank You, because through Jesus’ finished work I could run to You and Your throne of grace, as I am, and right now, I am admittedly being foolish.

I’m being foolish, by being selfish. How long, Father? How long till I see Your goodness and glory for myself, and how long should I make the claim that the blessings You have for me are infinitely superior and are therefore not always, if ever seen by our own eyes and heard by our own ears?

Move, my good Father, move! Let me see Your blessings, let me witness reconciliation, let me witness reconciliation! Let me see with my own eyes, how You prosper me, how You heal me, how You restore me!

3 Consider and answer me, O LORD my God; light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death,

4 lest my enemy say, “I have prevailed over him,” lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.

Consider my plight, Father, consider all I’ve brought myself into up to this moment, through 40 years of ignorance, negligence, short-sightedness, impulsive behavior, selfishness, cynicism, greed, lust, and all the ugly… And, yes, my Lord, my Father – light up my eyes. Explode with Light from within, from the deepest point and the center of my soul, overflow me with Your Love, Your Life, and Your Light – Oh, Lord, help me through it all! IN the name of our Lord and our Savior, Jesus Christ, in the name of the Messiah, Your Son – Minister to me, right here and now, my Father!

Sing Your songs of deliverance around me. Remind me of the joy of Your salvation. Stir Your Love and Light up with me, and produce the fruits of Love, Peace, Patience, Joy, Faithfulness, Kindness, Goodness, Gentleness, and Self-Control, that I may bear them for the world to benefit.

Hear the deepest and darkest of my desires, and show me that You not only hear me, that You don’t just listen to me, but that You care for all of this.

Consider all my circumstances, and move in our midst, bringing forth life and light that all transcends above death and the darkness.

Consider all my situations, Father, and make them ALL work for MY good – not just for the body of Christ, but for me, specifically.

5 But I have trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.

6 I will sing to the LORD, because he has dealt bountifully with me.

Oh, Father, up until this moment, indeed, it is Your love that sustains me, and it is because of Your salvation, that I take heart. I thank You, even at this moment, even at this time I’ve chosen to be selfish – because even during these moments, I know that You care for me, and I am sure You shall respond. I sing to You, Father, expectant and thankful – because, even now, You move and deal bountifully with me.

Father, in all that I’m facing, in all that I’m going through, in all I want, and in all I need – be glorified. Glorify Your Name, in all of it.

Thank You, Father, for this time. Thank You for Your love, for Your care, for Your interest, and for Your time. Thank You, Jesus, because You could have backed out at any time, but You chose to obey, even up to Your painful and humiliating death on the cross – that we who believe would be saved to the full. Thank You, Jesus!

Finally, thank You, Holy Spirit – for even now, in these moments of selfishness, You continue to convict me of my right-standing with God…

Thank You, God; Thank You, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit!

If you’ve made it this far, thanks, I guess. Just trying to reoptimize myself, sure, but I meant every word I said here. I’m waiting on the Lord, for sure, but I couldn’t help but be vulnerable in every way.

To Him be all the glory – to GOD be all the praise, now and forever.

Amen, and amen.

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