Baptism
So earlier today I was designated driver for a bunch of folks, headed for the beach. Their outing was supposed to be cancelled because so many other folks couldn’t make it, but when they got the bad news that there were no reschedules or refunds… well, they just decided to take advantage of the accomodations. And really, I was just glad to be invited.
Anyway, we made it to the resort, got settled in, put our stuff in our rooms, and headed out to the beach. Of course, I brought my camera gear with me – it was just about that time in the afternoon when the colors were coming out.
But, well, the unfortunate just had to happen. Let me explain.
I wanted to take video of the strong waves from a wide angle perspective, and shooting handheld wasn’t working for me (as it probably wouldn’t work for 99.967% of other people with cameras). I was too lazy to head back to get my tripod, so I went towards what I thought was the next best thing – a bunch of bundled up sticks just on the shore.
The super-intelligent me thought to lodge my camera on there, so at least I had some sort of stabilization. And it worked for a while… until I realized that the waves were coming in so strong that one swatted me, camera, sticks and all, covering me in sea water.
My immediate reaction (after saying a Dragonball Z Abridged, ‘crapbaskets’) was to stop recording, to turn off the camera, and to head over to dryer spots to wipe my camera, making sure NOT to separate lens from body, lest I risk moisture getting into the sensor area.
With that in mind, I swung my bag to put my ‘baptized’ gear in – and that’s where I saw that it wasn’t just my bag that got wet; the flap was open, and sea water made its way inside the bag, effectively anointing the business end of my telephoto 55-200mm lens.
I took my shirt off and used all the dry areas of the garment to wipe my camera as dry as I could, and, well, when I tried doing the same for my lens, I saw that water made its way INSIDE the lens as well – there were bubbles moving around beneath the glass. Something told me that I shouldn’t try using the lens at that state.
I flipped the switch on the camera, and to my relief, it came on right away. I was able to take a shot, and then another, and then another. I switched to another lens that I knew was dry, and I tried shooting – success.
Then, again, super-intelligent me thought I’d try the telephoto lens. The sun was setting, and although we didn’t get a round sun, we got an interesting, ‘fiery’ pattern of light in the distance…
…and, with the wet lens on, I was able to take a shot, and then another, and then… well, the lens started groaning, and then it just stopped working. The camera screen turned black, and I instinctively switched the camera off, and put all my gear back in the bag.
Down The Drain
Earlier this year I was doing very well with Forex. If you’ve been reading since then, first of all, thank you; but you’ll also remember that I mentioned I was doing well until the beginning of August. I was warned that this month was the ‘ghost’ month, when mostly Eastern cultures would take a break from making any investments, or any major decisions involving money. This was also a month, apparently, when we should be shutting down our trades, no matter how bad or good they are – before you notice things turning for the worst.
I thought back then that I would weather my way through my final set of open trades, close them when I’m satisfied, and hold off from trading until September. This turned out to be a really bad decision on my part, because, well, long story short – I got wiped out. Four digits’ worth of capital suddenly down to two digits, and I do remember all the rationalizing working – I mean, two digits’ worth of capital was still not zero.
With the remaining capital I had, I worked aggressively – a little TOO aggressive, now that I think about it, worked my way back up to three digits worth of capital, then I decided to keep my lot sizes relatively low, taking small wins at a time.
I was on my way back to four digits. However, my most recent set of trades – yes, around a week or two ago – left me wiped out… and this time, it was complete. I was down to zero. Negative, even – I think I owe some swap fees or whatever.
Different
I was on the phone with my good eldest brother a couple of days ago, to greet them a Merry Christmas, and really just to catch up with him, my sister in law, and my nephews. Nothing much on that front regarding updates – it’s just that my youngest nephew now looks like his older brother, and his older brother has taken on his own form. They’re doing good in school, my brother’s in-laws are doing way better than expected, health-wise, and so on.
We were more or less wrapping up the call because my mom and I needed to head out, when my good sister-in-law mentioned something:
This year was ‘different’.
Context behind this? Well, they didn’t even bother with decorating their home for the Christmas season. We told them it was the same with us here – Mom was usually the one so enthusiastic about setting up the local ‘Belen’, or the Nativity scene… but for some reason, we didn’t have it up, and I don’t think we will have it up any time between now until Christmas season, 2025.
My sister continued by saying that even a good friend they spent time with recently didn’t do a lot of decorating at his own place. She mentioned that this friend of theirs was usually very passionate about decorating their home, and a big reason behind this was probably that they held an annual Christmas decoration contest in his neighborhood.
The thing is, even with their friend’s so-called lack of enthusiasm, he still won.
I told this to Mom, and all she commented was, ‘maybe it’s because the rest of the neighborhood didn’t bother to decorate anymore’.
I agreed with my sister-in-law: This year was ‘different’, but I just had to say it was different for the better.
Right now, even with the possible total failure of a critical lens in my camera system, and even with me WAY back in the red with my trading… To call things ‘different’ would probably be an understatement, but here’s the thing – I’m not even as bothered as I expected to be. I’m not even as frustrated at these turn of events, as I should be – That was a great lens and I was pretty stupid for letting the waves hit me! I should have cut my losses while I still HAD a profit!
A Bitter End
And… for once, can I be just a little bit personal? Can I mention names? Can I be vulnerable?
Damn it, I won’t mention any names. I’ll just say this.
Hah. The super-intelligent me was keeping tabs on someone who blocked me, and I’ve recently seen changes on her account which, well, indicate that I really have no more shot with her. I mean, I could have taken the block as a tip already, but again, look, that was super-intelligent me being very insistent in the stars aligning and meaning something metaphysical or however you want to describe it.
It’s just that we’ve known each other a little less than half my life so far, and there’s been a lot that we’ve gone through. I felt as if it was another instance of The Office’ Jim and Pam being off in their timing, but this time in scales stretched out in years, and I’m just now realizing, I’m the only one waiting for things to happen in my favor – or, as I insist, in OUR favor.
I waited on nothing for years once… and it seems as if I’ve come to the same painful situation, yet again.
Realizations
It feels like I should be so frustrated, so angry, so deep in self-pity and anguish, in pool of emotions derived from things getting destroyed out of my own dumbassery, or huge amounts of money lost from things out of my control, or even the ultimate realization that I should really just pack up and walk away from hoping anything could even happen anymore with someone I really had high hopes to be with, EVEN with all the signs so plainly pointing towards me having to do this way earlier in my life.
I’m looking at it all, and again, I’m agreeing with my sister-in-law – It’s all freaking ‘different’, but I’m not bothered at all – or, at least, I’m not as bothered as I expected to be.
It feels like all this had to happen at this critical point in my life, and it just so happened to be when I turned 40 – when all that’s been dragging me down has more or less been addressed, if only to give way for what I’m supposed to be doing – what I really should be appreciating, what I really should be prioritizing, and who I really should focus on.
1 – Rerouting
At this moment in this ‘article’, I’m reminded of what a friend of mine told me, as a response to all I told him regarding a certain girl I knew – Yes, the same one I mentioned earlier. I’m realizing now that what he told me not only applied to her – it also applies to all the losses; It turns all these defeats into proper lessons.
I know I shared it before, but I’ll share it here again: He told me, ‘Don’t be sad that it ended, be thankful that it happened’.
To that note, I’m at the point that I’m no longer lamenting my absolute rejection, but I’m thankful I even had a shot with someone apparently so out of my league.
I mean, really, if you frame it that way, it really redirects my energy, or rather redefines it from being so negative to, well, being a source of peace and security.
Consequently, I suppose I’m also at the point that I’m no longer questioning my own purpose in this world after the complete erasure of my capital – I’m thankful that I even had that sort of capital to try something as volatile as forex trading, and even learning much more than I expected from all of it.
For the longest time I was pretty aggressive in how I was trading, with the prevalent thought being of revenge – I wanted to get out of the red and back in the black. I thought that was the way I would get back at these folks who suckered me, first into getting into a Forex trading bot, and then into investing so much money and time into ‘training’, and so on.
Sure, I’ve learned a lot – ‘much more’ was my choice of words, but I have to say that the biggest lesson that really stuck to me was something I could have known without getting any closer to Forex: There’s no such thing as a free meal. There’s no such thing as easy money. We say that money is a tool, but it’s a tool we should be using wisely.
Finally, I’m not necessarily thankful my lens got busted… But here’s the thing.
In the past months, and even in the past years I’ve been lamenting – first, at how a whole lot of other people have only now started to shoot from the spots that I used to go to so often in the past, and in my eyes, that more or less reduced the creative ‘value’ of what I had to share so many years ago.
Second, with the rise of AI, you can enter prompts and come up with hyper-realistic landscapes so much better than any of us could take. I’m not hating on AI, but this, as well as my first point, challenged me – what’s next?
What’s next, JB? What are our eyes wanting to see, that has never been seen before? I’m not necessarily thankful that my lens got busted, but it’s now serving as a reminder for me to push my boundaries regarding literal, visual perspective.
Speaking of ‘serving’, if the case is that my lens is beyond salvage, well, it’s served me VERY well – catching sunset after sunset, candid after candid, and all sorts of details… from a distance.
In that regard, I am VERY thankful.
2 – Reinforcement
Through all these blunders, I’ve also realized something else. In all I’ve lost, I’ve had a deeper look into who I am – through the pictures that I take, through the trades that I’ve made, and through what I keep replaying in my mind regarding the love I’ve had.
The concept of learning from our mistakes apparently works both ways – inward and outward.
I’m learning outwardly, in the sense that I’m being challenged to look beyond what I’ve been holding on to. In the months and seasons to come, I know my entire being is going to be challenged, from suddenly scraping for money, to having cash flow after cash flow established, and then maintained.
That, according to former Impractical Joker Joe Gatto, is a ‘for-suresky’, and I’m not going to go into detail about it. Maybe some other time, somewhere else, but not here.
Anyway. I’m also now already being challenged to think beyond what I enjoy taking pictures of. Or, is all of this a realization that I’ve wandered away from my actual path of just taking pictures of what I liked? I mean, I enjoy taking landscapes to this day, but there are other subjects that fascinate me. More to the point, I enjoy taking landscapes to this day, but I feel now that I’ve been taken along for a ride from all the compliments from other people regarding what I shot.
Actually, there was even a time that I thought taking pictures for others to see was a ‘ministry’ of mine, but that was quickly shot down, when I realized how when you try too hard, it shows in your pictures. Thing is, I thought I already addressed that deviant thinking – with the recent ‘loss’ of my telephoto lens, I’m reminded of how it could still be lurking around.
I’m learning inwardly, in the sense that I’m reminded that I truly appreciate money and photography when I realize and respond to what they really are – tools. Skills. Inferior in the sense that they only impact a portion of my being; Inferior to that which is infused in all that I am, within my reasoning and beyond my senses… They’re tools, inferior to faith.
Faith established, authored by no less than Jesus Christ – The One who defied all conventions and expectations, and gave up all of His being to save – RECONCILE all of us. And, ‘all of us’ means every single soul in this world that has come to believe in Him, AND, more importantly, everything of us, everything that involves us, down to the minute and seemingly insignificant details.
I’m reminded yet again, of how the skillful handling of money and resources is not TOWARDS this ultimate Truth, but FROM it.
Consequently, the pictures, beyond what the people want to see, beyond what AI could generate – the picures that I say I like are not TOWARDS this ultimate Truth, but, again, FROM the wonderful realization that Jesus Christ loves me that much to be involved in ALL of me, for ALL time.
And any relationship that I have – from enemies to a wife and everything in between – comes from the celebration of this relationship of relationships, established by no less than the King of Kings.
Finally, I’m also learning, both from inward inspiration and outward influences, of how we’re not just to settle for stopping what habits we have that hinder our progression – in finances, in the visual arts, and in relationships; I’m reminded, as Paul reminded the Thessalonians, to ‘test all things,’ but also to ‘hold fast to what is good’ – that is, to be intentional in ceasing from what sabotages us, but to be as intentional and straightforward in what benefits us.
This means that it’s not enough that I stop scrolling through Instagram reels and YouTube. I ought to start looking at good things.
Not enough that I stop thinking about (redacted). I ought to start thinking of other people.
In all this learning, I am VERY thankful.
Return To The Flow
I AM thankful.
And if you’ve been following what I’ve been coming up with regarding lessons for super-intelligent me, for me 40 years ago, and 40 years from now, you’ll see that gratitude – or, thanking God, to be precise – is one leg in the three-foot stool, which states that in all things, big or small, I’m to:
Flow. Thank God. Trust God.
Events unfortunate have led me to do just that – I’ve been trusting in the Lord. I’ve been flowing. It’s only a matter of time that I find myself thanking God, even in these grave tragedies.
Or, is it the other way around? Am I thanking God, and finding this as an indication that, no matter how I’ve been slacking off and even going as far as sabotaging myself in the past weeks, I’ve actually been flowing with the Holy Spirit, and actually trusting God, apart from conscious intention?
Either way, well, here we are. Flowing. Trusting God. Thanking God.
And it is, as I said, something not just for me in the present – but, thanks be to God, it’s something that’s preserving me in the times and seasons to come. For yes, I am aware of my losses, but more than this impacting me, I find myself standing even firmer on the Rock.
Things ARE different, and they ARE different for the better. And, no, I’m not just saying this from a ‘positive’ attitude or outlook – It’s all just getting me to praise our God THAT much more.
A friend of mine lost his mother last Saturday, and we visited him – on Christmas Eve, of all days. However, when he finally showed up (traffic was absolutely horrible), you could not sense any grief in him – no, in fact, he was the one who reminded us that the focus should always be on Christ. He was even the one who assured us that they will still have a Merry Christmas, remembering Christ in the Holidays – because just as He kept him together while his mom was still alive (and sick), so He is with him and his family so much more, in her passing.
Anyone else who refuses Christ can look at all of this and calling us out for ‘coping’, or even going as far as making reasons to lose and be a loser in this reality.
I suppose I’m reminded at this time that I flow from Christ’s victory, that I thank God in spite of my defeats, and I trust God in spite of my failures.
I read in more than one of those meaningful picture + tough guy quote graphics: ‘Until death, all defeat is psychological’.
With flowing, trusting God and thanking God, I suppose all defeat for us just points us back to Him. Trusting Him. Thanking Him. and flowing.
So here we are. 40 years worth of mistakes, 40 years worth of lessons. And there’s more to come in the realizations and meditations.
There’s more to come, indeed.
Praise God, from whom all blessings flow
Praise Him, all creatures here below
Praise Him above, ye heavenly host
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.
Amen. Amen. Amen.
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