At first I was afraid, I was petrified
…(Thinking I could never live without you by my side)
Well, I said I was going to be talking to the kids… and when I actually did, I wasn’t very nice to them. Not as nice as I used to be. Took out all the stress of what I’ve been hearing that’s been happening in the school for that week, and just blasted it to whoever was listening.
That’s the thing – I told the little children who didn’t know any better, to just sit down and relax because what I was going to say was going to be for their older schoolmates; And the junior high boys, in their usual ‘I want to be cool’ attitude, well, they weren’t paying attention. I’m not sure if that’s a bad thing or a good thing, compared to the ladies in another section of the hall, who were silent.
Either way, I told ’em mid-message that I didn’t really care if they were paying attention, long as they were within the sound of my voice – I guess that was good enough.
I told ’em straight up – You aren’t the center of the universe, and the world doesn’t revolve around you. You’re going to get hurt, and you’re going to hurt other people. You’re going to hurt yourself, and you’re going to get hurt by other people. You’re going to make mistakes, and even if you think that you’re doing yourself a favor by getting mad at yourself in anticipation of what other people may do to you, chances are they’re still going to react, whether you do anything to yourself or not.
I told them that there will be consequences to everything that you do – you may hurt others, there’s consequences to that. You’ll feel hurtful feelings to others – and they may never know about these thoughts, but you will – and the consequence to that? Well, it’s that you hurt yourself.
I was pretty straight up in telling them, and even after this they weren’t really listening, so I just told them right then and there – pay attention if you want, or don’t; I don’t really care. I share all that I share out of love, and sometimes what I share isn’t your usual straightforward ‘God loves you’… because there will be those times that you will seriously doubt that.
It’s no accident that they sang Beautiful Savior by Planetshakers before I took the mic – so I quoted what they sang (that is, IF they sang because they don’t even seem to take the worship seriously): You’re going to experience so much pain and regret that sometimes you’ll have such a hard time, even to sing the coda: “I will sing forever, ‘Jesus I love You'”
And just to end my tirade, I told them that even when they feel nothing at all, the Truth still stands – Whether you’re able to sing or not, it’s Jesus who loves you forever.
I told them that no matter what pain you’ve felt, what mistakes you’re currently experiencing, or what hurt comes to you in the future, Jesus Christ took all of this into consideration and still lay His body down to be crucified for you.
I then prayed for them, before silently walking out, and upstairs to the School Administrator, to whom I gave a report of sorts, of me ripping into their students.. If only to get some validation that I said the right thing to them – and I did get that validation. She shared the same frustration with me, and when she admitted that sometimes she prays to God, asking for forgiveness because she isn’t even sure if she leaves an impact of these children (because it seems to get worse, batch after batch) – well, I said I shared the same frustration, and all we could do before anything else is to pray.
And pray I did, because my rebuking didn’t end there. In the afternoon I sat down with another student, and I’m not going to go into details about this particular one, beyond what I told him:
- Now more than ever, everything you do has consequences. A fictional John Wick said it, and I’m saying it applies to reality… and especially in reality. I also told him that whatever he posts on the internet stays on the internet.
- The older you get, and the higher levels you go in terms of education, that’s especially true. You can’t just muscle your way around, or increase the volume of your yelling to get what you want.
- Gosh, thinking about it now, I wish I just told this kid that if he thinks he knows everything, he’s in for a HUGE awakening.
- If you feel huge waves of angry energy, do your best to channel this energy into good. Hard work pays off. Move your anger and work hard, whether it be in exercise, and/or studying.
Through all this I am personally reminded that it does help to unload emotions appropriately. I learned that the principles of logistics also applies to negative energy as much as it does anywhere else – like today, I could have gone even further in weighing down on the high school kids in assembly, but thankfully there were other outlets – the wisdom of the School Administrator, as well as the punching bag I have here at home were good outlets.
I also learned that the ministry does take its real toll on me. As such, I’m reminded of a part of Scripture that Andrew Farley likes to quote every now and then:
I protest, brothers, by my pride in you, which I have in Christ Jesus our Lord, I die every day!
1 Corinthians 15:31
Folks in the USA and now even here in the Philippines have been quick to say that Paul was emphasizing here that we die ‘to self’ every day – but Dr. Farley rightfully points out that the context of Paul’s dying daily is in the verse that follows:
What do I gain if, humanly speaking, I fought with beasts at Ephesus? If the dead are not raised, “Let us eat and drink, for tomorrow we die.”
1 Corinthians 15:32
It’s not about an intentional effort we do to abase ourselves or to ‘kill’ our self, as if to say that we are daily ‘crucifying’ or ‘killing’ ‘the flesh and its desires’ – This was already done at the cross! Christ told us to take up our cross and follow Him, and so we did – how? Through our belief in Him – So when He took the cross and was crucified, so we were crucified… just so that when He died, so our old sinful being died, and when He rose again, so we rose again, New Creations in Him!
I went into that a little too much but what Paul IS pointing out is that his dying ‘every day’ is like fighting ‘with beasts at Ephesus’. The ESV points us from here to 2 Corinthians 1:8, where Paul adds even more details to this ordeal. It’s ‘the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself.’
Apparently their daily toil at one point was so extreme that it made them feel more like merely ‘dying daily’ / ‘dying every day’; It made them ‘despair of life itself’!
And, I know, what I experienced today – the unusual rebuke and the possibly unnecessary tough words I gave the kids, and the straight-up admonition I gave that one other kid – that couldn’t come anywhere near what Paul was experiencing, but it did burden me to test my strength.
And it’s not stopping here – for, see, in a little less than 12 hours from now, I’m to head out to prison – not AS a prisoner, but to visit someone there… and who knows what can happen to me? Sure, I may be overreacting, but let’s just say I recognize the reasons to be afraid… but, as I told the kids earlier, even when the pain, hurt, or the mistakes, and apparently when even the fear is overwhelming that we lose all energy to tell God or Jesus Christ how much I love Him – Well, we shouldn’t think He’s any further from us.
Christ paid such a price that even in affliction, and even in burdens, or pain, or hurt – NONE of these things shall separate us from the everlasting love of God.
And it’s by that love, that we love. Even in the greatest of darkness, His love, His life, His light shines ever stronger.
You think I’d crumble?
You think I’d lay down and die?
No, not I, I will survive
Long as I know how to love, I know I’ll stay alive
God bless us all.
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#Insecurity #TrueHumility #Rebuke #JesusChrist #GodsGrace #HolySpirit #YouthTalk #Repentance #Reflections #Revelations #Bible
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