So I’m aware that I called this space, my own personal defragmenter… but after the events so far today, and after this week, I feel as if I need more than defragmenting… I need a reformat.
What’s currently lodged in my mind is overwhelming. For some reason, the old mindsets were pretty prominent, from the beginning of this week, up until today. They’re sabotaging me, making me far less productive, and just getting me through the bare minimum, procrastinating when I can in favor of empty pursuits. Playing instead of studying. Thinking of the worldly and the carnal as if they were the greatest things that could ever happen to anyone.
I felt this a lot on the drive home this noon, and I thought to myself, this is a perfect time for me to just go ahead and hit the heavy bag, but only after I do today’s workout. And speaking of that, the program that I’m following is saying that I needed to do 200 7-pump (push-up) burpees today, with each burpee chased with 2 squats. I’m not going to say that I hit that number – in fact, I’m only hitting 40% completion on average, but I will say that today, I felt each repetition, and brought myself to hit approximately 50-60% completion.
I’m just saying that this is probably how I can ‘reformat’ my mind… just to clear it out by way of pouring myself out, pouring my body out in sweat on the ground… no background music, no YouTube playing. I have to admit that the urge to watch something was there, and unfortunately after the workout, in between my praying, I’ve been playing some reruns – and really, I can’t believe I still have that sort of mindset: Like I keep going back to watching series and playing games again and again, even if I know what’s going to happen, and what they’re going to be saying.
It’s as if I’m allowing reprogramming of sorts to happen while I work out in silence, but then again I’m allowing more programming to get into me. And here I am now, after pouring my body out, just pouring my mind out, letting out word after word, just so as much of my being is as empty as possible. I’m also hungry, but I’m intentionally holding off on that, just so that I could squeeze out whatever junk I have in my mind already.
I can go ahead and just quote Lamentations 3:22-23 as I always do. I can go ahead and quote the Doxology, as a starter for every time I just unload… but for today, I don’t know, I think I’ll just go with some Matt Redman:
Bless the Lord, O my soul, o my soul;
Worship His holy Name!
Sing like never before, o my soul,
I’ll worship His holy Name!
I think this is just appropriate considering that I’m pouring my body and mind… and now, apparently, my soul as well… And it appears as if I’m allowing every burpee, every squat to be an act of worship, just as every word I hope that is stated in this here article is a word of worship… and through it all, my soul grooves, worshipping as well. It’s as if the power of the Holy Spirit (and not my own work and effort) is proving itself to be alive in me by way of worship, in more forms than just song.
I suppose that’s what it is, huh. I said in one article or more in that past, that when you worship, you are instantly reprogramming. Well, here, I’m not even thinking about worshipping (although it did cross my mind to sing a couple of tunes today); I’m thinking of reformatting, and I’m being pleasantly led back to the fact and truth that we ARE worship – that is, this entire being which Christ paid the greatest price to redeem, ALL of it has been redeemed by way of recreation – that is, we’ve been brought from darkness to light, from sin to righteousness; We’ve been re-made, from old, hopeless, sinful beings doomed to death and oblivion, to new creations, made righteous unto eternal life… By God’s grace, by Christ’s finished work, and by the power of the triune God, we’ve been made temples of the Holy Spirit, indeed.
Temples, that is, where we celebrate our redemption, where we sing of our reconciliation, and, really, where every aspect of our lives are a reflection of the utter and absolute salvation we have, in and through no less than Christ alone.
With all this in mind now, in my exhausted state, I could just go ahead and sit back and be so thankful, knowing that all of me, no matter how I am filled with all the world has to offer, or no matter how everything is so far away from me… I’m thankful knowing that even during these times, all I have is something through Christ, who gave everything even when we could give nothing in return.
Oh, praise the Name of the Lord our God
Oh, praise His Name, forever!
I need Him. WIth all that’s at stake, and even now that I’m aware of all that needs to be done, all my deliverables, and all that I want to do… Even now, when I know that I should already be taking first steps in things I’ve always wanted to do, and I still find myself seeking pleasure and comfort, essentially thinking about myself while actively avoiding thinking of others… My God, I need Him so much.
And it’s not as if He’s absent and away in all of this. Granted, I’ll give in to what other people may still be thinking, regarding how God is never away but we’re the ones who choose to be ‘away’, but I will, at this moment, in all that blabber I’m letting out of my brain, I will say that even now, He is here. The bridge of Waymaker may or may not be theologically sound, but I would like to take some comfort in it, if it is Scripturally potent. I’d like to sing along where we’re led to sing, ‘even when I don’t see it, He’s working, even when I don’t feel it, He’s working’ – but I just HATE how I’m making this my default. I mean, it’s not like I SHOULDN’T be working because of the awareness that He’s working anyway!
I don’t know, I’m just wanting to let all of this out here. In the confusion, and in the inaction, and in the self-condemnation, I suppose I’m just being open with anyone who reads this, and more importantly, to my Father, to my Savior, and to my Power – look at how vulnerable I am now, and see how Your goodness can manifest.
I need Him. I need His goodness. I say this even if I know He is here and He is near, but I still say it, if only to force myself, if only to force my entire being to just seek Him. I suppose this is what Paul was meaning to say when he was saying that he would bring his body to submission.
Oh, to just feel better. But I am feeling better already, I suppose… Because I’m finding some solace in trusting in Him; Yes, the mere process of trusting in Him is pleasurable already, just as much, if not more than the ‘response’ He would give… could it be, perhaps, that this seeking is already His response? I don’t know, but I will just say that right now, I think I’m doing the right thing, more or less.
I’m trusting in the Lord, and I know that it’s written, that those who do trust in the Lord shall never be put to shame.
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#Bible #Faith #Faithfulness #GoodnessOfGod #JesusChrist #PracticalChristianity #Praise ##Reflections #Repentance #Reprogramming #Reformatting
JB's Personal Brain Defragmenter 
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