Give Up, Give, Up.

In my distress I called to the LORD, and he answered me. Psalms 120:1

My God is a loving Father – He carries the weight of the world on His shoulders, as that one old song would exclaim… and surely, He carries all my burdens. All of my burdens, my issues, my problems, on the personal level, up to the highest of… oh, I don’t know, highest of levels as well, I guess – I draw peace right now, in fact I force myself to rest knowing that all of my concerns, small or big, relevant or irrelevant, made up or real – ALL of my concerns are in the palm of His hands. He knows all there is to know about what I choose to focus on, and even if I break my own back trying to contain all of it in a vain attempt to analyze it all, even if I’m stubborn to try handling it all on my own, and even if I go as far as actually reaping the consequences of all I’m doing reckless… STILL, my God, He is as a Father to me – loving me, supporting me, thinking about me, concerned about me.

I haven’t been as ‘productive’ as I’d imagine myself to be in the recent days. I’ve been strumming the guitar more, I’ve been praying a lot more, I’ve been walking a lot more… and quite frankly, I’ve come to a point where I just want to give up. But here, it’s as if God is agreeing with my choice of words.

‘Give up’, I say. ‘Give up’, He may agree – but the point being, not to surrender. Not to end. No, to give all of it, up. Up to Him. Cast all my cares on Him – but really, in all my singing, praying, and walking more, how else can I cast all of it to Him? I’ve been praying, telling Him that I’m at wit’s end… turns out that I’m even at wit’s end in my prayers.

Come, behold the works of the LORD, how he has brought desolations on the earth.

He makes wars cease to the end of the earth; he breaks the bow and shatters the spear; he burns the chariots with fire.

“Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!”

The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. Selah

Psalms 46:8-11

And even as I’m pasting all of that Scripture, it never fails. I’m being given a distraction that makes me drop everything. Thankfully, it’s gone.

But yeah, man. In the face of all I’m typing and writing about, all this is going on in the background. Testings and trials. I said earlier this month that things are being clarified – things are being re-arranged, thoughts are re-examined, mindsets are being painfully renewed… but through it all, I just have to be thankful – yes, I choose, by the power of the Holy Spirit, to be thankful. Thankful, that I could still muster the words to praise my Father, in spite of all the other words I’m putting together in, well, complaining.

I’m thankful. By the power of the Holy Spirit that is alive in me, and whom I pay homage to, whom I choose to pay attention to in spite the seemingly deafening nuances of the flesh working from the inside out, and sin shouting from the outside in – I’m thankful, that in spite of the literal internal conflict, and in all the words I’m babbling and dragging out of my mind right now, I still have it in me to say that even in ALL of this – my God remains faithful. And I am thankful, that even when my own faith is questioned and weakened, and I am brought to the point of exhaustion – I am thankful that it’s my God who is faithful, when I am faithless.

Maybe I don’t need to speak. Maybe I don’t need to write any further. Maybe all I need to do is to be still – that is, just to shut my brain up.

Give up. Give, up.

In my distress I called to the LORD, and he answered me. Psalms 120:1