As 2009 came to a close, and as we looked back at the personal situations that have struck deep in our hearts, in good ways and bad ways, I have taken note of one particular thing – that I have loved more in this year 2009 than any other year I’ve lived on this earth. The addition of Pao to my life has been nothing greater than another unique means to praise God, another blessing to comprehend, another challenge of sorts. My relationship with Pao has added more meaningful relationships to my life, in addition to enhancing those that already were there.
I would like to focus on one relationship in particular, that has, through the test of time, been a great contribution to my development as a man, a Christian, a friend, and as a partner. Since my relationship with Pao started, this particular friend of mine has been very supportive of it, to the point that he would really build me/her/us up everywhere. I took it as a welcome perk to the great blessing we were already enjoying. It added to my personal confidence, and I was more fired up to speak up during more challenging times.
Like every man who goes out on a leash, it seems as if their confidence turned to cockiness and arrogance, and pretty soon after people get hurt. The words that come out of my mouth were more destructive than constructive, less help and more self-serving. As long as Pao was around, I frankly did not care about anyone else. COnsequently, when Pao was hurt, apparently I was hurt too. I would take the pain and react as though I was the one assaulted. This friend of mine advised me about this attitude of mine and I was blind to notice any of it being hurtful.
Recently I’ve been feeling drained at work. As far as I know December is a pretty straining time where I work, and it’s just normal that blood, sweat and tears are literally expected from us to see each day end in our favor as a company. I told my boss about it straight up – that I was tired, and I wasn’t happy. I felt like all my efforts were fruitless, and we were unappreciated, working our asses off while people at the top were covering theirs at the painful cost of those beneath them.
My boss mentioned that it’s me who defines what makes me happy. As she kept talking, backing up what she said, I was pondering on the one thing that struck my mind at the time – Pao. She was there, front and center. When she was happy, I function well. When I get a hint of any aspect of her being being compromised, I go on a warpath, and end up unruly, arrogant, and otherwise unproductive.
For some reason I was not willing to go ahead and just put Pao away as being my source of happiness. But at the same time I knew it was wrong. Simply put, God was not in the center of my life. The Word clearly says that I cannot serve two masters. Everything from my frustrations to my pursuit of happiness and peace has to be raised up to God. There has to be order, and Pao had to know it: God is first, God is front and center, God is number one. Pao comes second.
The more you give God, the more He is praised, the more His purpose is fulfilled in your life.
I stand firm in this promise. I therefore place my trust in Him when it comes to what makes me happy – I mean, I could go on and on, doing this and that, ultimately flailing my arms in the dark if I rely on searching for what makes me happy myself. I am sure that if I make the Lord happy, my own pleasure would follow. May He be glorified with every word, thought, feeling, action, photo, blog, or anything else that comes from me. May the Lord be praised, in and out of work, while I am with or away from Pao. And to my friend – well, thanks for being so patient with me. God bless you ten times ten, Melai.
It’s all His. God bless you.