So it’s Sunday, and I’m supposed to continue down our road of discussing Daniel 9-10, and John 9-10… But, well, something else came up.
Last Friday, we proceeded as expected with the whole church Valentines’ Day activity. We started a couple of hours late, but eventually one of our leaders stooped down to be an emcee and called one of our most, if not THE most seasoned of our pastors – when it comes to marriage, that is – up on the podium to speak.
He shared a message on the sanctity of marriage, a message he clearly shared hundreds of times before, in his role as a leader in local government as well. I suppose these are the sorts of messages you share in those seminars couples take before they get married, here in our fine country. With all due respect to him, sure, he got the attention of all present, but the content he was delivering was – well, not as heartfelt as I would have wanted. I mean, the experience was there, but listening to him, you could really tell he’s talked about this in length, lots of times before; Maybe a little too much, that there was complacency accompanying the experience.
That’s just me, though. Overall, as long as the congregation was ministered to, I say I have no real right to complain – or, at least, to validate whatever I had to say just there.
Anyway, he did take a little longer than our leader/emcee expected, so there were talks, just as our speaker was closing, of him just pushing the program forward towards what everyone was really expecting – dinner. To that end he called up another pastor to pray for the food – and that he did, but not before sharing his own lines and experiences when it comes to marriage. No worries there, I thought; and then as soon as he said ‘Amen’ – or, heck, he didn’t even close his prayer properly – he called me up stage for my turn to talk.
Of course, I was genuinely surprised, but on the other hand, I felt it would be to my loss if I didn’t actually speak that evening, especially after all the preparation, and more importantly, after I had seen the value of what I had to share.
It was a funny scene to behold, though, as I took my position as speaker facing the audience – but that’s the thing, there wasn’t much of an audience, as some of the folks just went to the photo booth, while the rest went ahead and started on the recently-blessed food. No matter, I thought – I was going to share my message, whether they wanted it or not.
I told them of how arrogant I was, in the initial talks that got this event started. It was decided in our council meeting last month that we would have an event that would cover the purposes of three events: A Couples’ Retreat, a Men’s Conference, and a Women’s Conference. This event would be held on Valentines’ Day, and we immediately went to our default approach – that is, to assign speakers to cover the main topics or themes.
I told them that one seasoned pastor they just listened to was the first one on the plate, saying with confidence that he would be sharing on the sanctity of marriage – and that he did. However, for the life of me, I, even up until now, barely have an idea of exactly why I raised my hand, and said that I would be speaking to the Men. Or, the single men and women, for that matter.
At the time of me raising my hand, I shared to them that the only things that were in my head were my own experiences… so when it was settled that I was going to speak (after a couple of raised eyebrows and otherwise nervous laughter and jokes), and when I had some time for myself to write, to figure out the specifics of what I do want to talk about, well, the experiences came back to mind.
And, oh, what experiences they were.
I was engaged. I was then disengaged. Back in the midpoint of the 2000’s I encountered someone that I thought was someone I wanted to be with… but I was younger and didn’t know any better, so that fell through, with me half-drunk, hurting because it finally dawned on me that we weren’t meant to be, but also humbly, ultimately going back to God – even saying back then, one of the two: “Father, I want to tell You I love You before I say it to anyone else”,or “Father, I want You to tell me You love me before I say ‘I love You’ to anyone else” (my money’s on the former).
There was a quote I saw recently on social media that read, “When the replacement from God arrives, you will forget what you lost.“ And, yeah, at that time, by God’s grace I met and started going out with who I thought was this replacement. Sure enough, I forgot who I lost. But then, I lost this replacement, and when the lady from my past suddenly appeared after that, I was still hurting from the replacement – and I was intentionally on the prowl for another replacement – to realize that she was most likely the other replacement.
Long story short: The ‘replacement from God’ arrived, I forgot what I lost. I lost the ‘replacement from God’, and who I forgot arrived. I forgot that who arrived could’ve been a ‘replacement from God’, and now all I am is lost.
I was, what you may call a bad relationship ‘hipster’ – what I mean by this is that I was simping before it was cool: When she texts a short message, you reply with a telenovela and a full-on novel trilogy of what happened in your day, how you were thinking about her, and how that small pebble that for some reason ran up your nose reminded me of that one small moment you and her had which was trivial to her but had all sorts of (self-conjured) meanings for you.
What I also meant by this is that I was ghosted before it was a thing: With no explanation she would ‘disappear’ – there were less options for instant messaging back then and the Internet was still something we only had at home (meaning no cellular data), but that also meant it was a whole lot easier, to just stop texting, changing your number, changing or deleting your Friendster, and so on; But the main impact was the same back then as it is today, especially now that we’ve studied more into it – You’re there alone and in pain wondering what it was that you did wrong, while she goes on with her life.
I read somewhere how ghosting happens before it actually happens – that is, the ghosting party has already disconnected with you way before you did, so when the actual ghosting happens, again, this person has already moved on, and you’re left miserable, alone, and hurting.
And of course, I’d know that – hurt people hurt people, after all. So sure, I’ve been simping, but I’ve also been simped on, and I’ve discovered the pain of ghosting – not just from the receiving end, but on the giving end as well – because apparently, when you’re the one doing the ghosting, some humanity that remains in you tempts you to reach out to the one you’ve unfriended, blocked, ignored, or ultimately disconnected from… but you won’t because (1) you don’t want to open that ‘can of worms’ (your terms) again, and (2) the ‘peace’ is more or less worth the pain inflicted and received.
And of course, before I go any further, don’t think that I’m on a relationship high-horse here, because I know I’m in the presence of folks who have had their own scars to prove that, as that one song goes, “‘love’ has had its day and its way with (them)” – Heck, some of them may have had enough to fill up not just one, but five cards in what I’m calling Bad Love Bingo.
My point is, while developing what I was calling a Valentines’ Day Message, it was inevitable that all these memories would once again play in my head, and, well, I was depressed – Or, to be honest, I had a lot of luggage I needed to unload, which was eased by current apparently effective systems of working out, writing, walking, and wailing to the Lord.
In said burdens coming back to me, it came to a point that I was just, well, not necessarily depressed, but overburdened – but, hey, the show must go on… and being one of those guys who they gave the ‘Pastor’ title to, of course, in my experience, I had the end in mind – that is, what we call in Tagalog as the ‘kabig‘, the turning point that shifts from getting the audience’ attention from the bad stuff, to the good news; In this case, simply, Christ.
I’m pretty sure I had some verses in mind, like from the book of Romans, chapter 8 in particular. However, for some reason I went ahead and searched – not through AI, but through your traditional search engines – for verses on ‘waiting on the Lord’. Obviously there was a bunch of search results, so I clicked on the first one that featured at least 33 Verses, thinking, hey, I’m spoiled for choices here.
The thing is, I had a clear path ahead of me with regards to message progression, but I was still feeling down and burdened, but more importantly, I was feeling dissatisfied. In other words, I knew what I was going to share, from the bad news to the good news, but why am I not satisfied with the ‘good news’? How can I stand in front of a congregation and expect them to feel better about what I have to share, if I myself am not satisfied?
Apparently I wanted more than a pat on the back. I wanted more than an attaboy. I wanted something of substance… so what I decided to do was to go through each of the verses, giving my own commentary, not only writing more words to fill my 1000 word a day quota, but also, really, in search of some satisfaction. So I did one verse, commentary, then verse two, commentary… then I saw how the next verse and the verse after that had the same point, so I put them together, made a commentary…
…and I looked at the rest of the verses, saw there were so much more, and I hit the brakes. There was too much. At that point, I was tired and frustrated. There was so much to write about. All there was left was to be silent, in defeat. In frustration, inconsolable. Exhausted, but still lashing out. Bitter. Unsatisfied.
35 Oh, that I had one to hear me! (Here is my signature! Let the Almighty answer me!) Oh, that I had the indictment written by my adversary!
36 Surely I would carry it on my shoulder; I would bind it on me as a crown;
37 I would give him an account of all my steps; like a prince I would approach him.
38 “If my land has cried out against me and its furrows have wept together,
39 if I have eaten its yield without payment and made its owners breathe their last,
40 let thorns grow instead of wheat, and foul weeds instead of barley.” Job 31:35-40
And it was at that point that the Lord reminded me of how He responded to Job. For FOUR Chapters at the end of the book of his account, the Lord answered him in the whirlwind:
1 Then the LORD answered Job out of the whirlwind and said:
2 “Who is this that darkens counsel by words without knowledge? 3 Dress for action like a man; I will question you, and you make it known to me.
4 “Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth? Tell me, if you have understanding.
5 Who determined its measurements—surely you know! Or who stretched the line upon it?
6 On what were its bases sunk, or who laid its cornerstone,
7 when the morning stars sang together and all the sons of God shouted for joy?
Job 38:1-7
In the midst of it, Job realizes his place, and offers to be silent, but God goes on!
6 Then the LORD answered Job out of the whirlwind and said:
7 “Dress for action like a man; I will question you, and you make it known to me.
8 Will you even put me in the wrong? Will you condemn me that you may be in the right?
9 Have you an arm like God, and can you thunder with a voice like his?
Job 40:6-9
I took a look at all the verses on that webpage, and I thought to myself, Father – how gracious You are!! For here You were – God, before Job, underlining the glory of Creator before Creation – but, in Your mercy, as the Father ran to His prodigal son, You remind me through Your Word of how You restore me, and as the Father ran to His bitter elder son, You remind me through Your Word of how all You have, is mine!
“Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.”1 Peter 5:7
“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.” Philippians 4:6
“Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.”Matthew 6:33
“So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.” Galatians 6:9
“But if we look forward to something we don’t yet have, we must wait patiently and confidently.” Romans 8:25
“Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act. Don’t worry about evil people who prosper or fret about their wicked schemes.” Psalm 37:7
“Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God’s will. Then you will receive all that he has promised.” Hebrews 10:36
“As for me, I look to the Lord for help. I wait confidently for God to save me, and my God will certainly hear me.” Micah 7:7
“Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have.” Philippians 4:11
“Yet true godliness with contentment is itself great wealth.” 1 Timothy 6:6
“You will show me the way of life, granting me the joy of your presence and the pleasures of living with you forever.” Psalm 16:11
“Don’t love money; be satisfied with what you have. For God has said, ‘I will never fail you. I will never abandon you.’” Hebrews 13:5
“Fear of the Lord leads to life, bringing security and protection from harm.” Proverbs 19:23
“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11
“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” Romans 8:28
“It is the same with my word. I send it out, and it always produces fruit. It will accomplish all I want it to, and it will prosper everywhere I send it.” Isaiah 55:11
“I am counting on the Lord; yes, I am counting on him. I have put my hope in his word.” Psalm 130:5
“The Lord isn’t really being slow about his promise, as some people think. No, he is being patient for your sake. He does not want anyone to be destroyed, but wants everyone to repent.”2 Peter 3:9
“Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.”Matthew 6:33
“And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:19
“The Lord is my shepherd; I have all that I need.” Psalm 23:1
“So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him.”Matthew 7:11
“Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and he will give you everything you need.” Luke 12:31
“Never stop praying.”1 Thessalonians 5:17
“Devote yourselves to prayer with an alert mind and a thankful heart.”Colossians 4:2
“One day Jesus told his disciples a story to show that they should always pray and never give up.”Luke 18:1
“The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.”James 5:16
“Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you.”Matthew 7:7
At the end of my rope, I was reminded, not merely of God glory, but the Father’s everlasting love for me… and if there’s one verse I’m led to remember through all of this, if there’s one verse our Father has led us through, it’s this:
“He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man’s heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end.“Ecclesiastes 3:11
Friends, we may be thinking to ourselves that we’re too old, too damaged, too cold, too busy.
We may be thinking that our time in the sun has been done, and it’s time for us to be happy for the rest, and to hold back any regret and bitterness.
We may be writing off our stories and living according to what we think and believe… but let’s take this season to remember love.
And as we remember love in this Valentines’ season, let us remember that we may have had our own actions, actors both good and bad – we have had a hand in our story, but it is God, who makes EVERYTHING beautiful in His time, who is not only the Author and Finisher of our Faith, but also the Alpha and Omega who is also our Good Shepherd.
He not only knows everything, but He leads us into green pastures, and besides still waters.
We may be thinking that our time has come and gone, but He is the One who restores our soul.
We may not know where to go from here, and that there is nothing but darkness and regret ahead of us, but He is the One who leads us into paths of righteousness for His sake.
We may not be in the most ideal of situations in our own lives and relationships, but He is the One who is beside us, and His rod and staff comfort us.
We may be in the presence of toxic people, but He is the One who feeds us in the presence of our enemies.
I may be beating myself up for being on both sides of obsession (obsessing over, and being obsessed over), but it is His goodness and mercy that follows and stalks me, chasing me down.
I may have closed my book – we may have closed our book, but guess what – It’s in His presence that we dwell, forever.
God’s still writing our story. Christ isn’t just giving us what we want – He’s shaping what we want. Our ultimate satisfaction is found in Him.
The end of the matter; all has been heard. Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man.Ecclesiastes 12:13
Until such a time as I bring my children to work and to church, with my Mom fully occupied with them,
Until the time I need to call on others to share a Message, because I’m with my family,
Until the time I run home immediately after church to attend to my wife,
Until then, I’m trusting God, thanking God, and flowing.
And until you see God’s part in writing your story, I’m telling you something that applies to your 8-year old self, as much as it should apply to your 80-year old self – timeless wisdom: Flow. Trust God. Thank God.
Happy Valentines, Folks.
God bless us all.
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